Forever More
by forevervampires
Summary: Edward never returned to Carlisle and Esme after his rebellious stage, but he did go back to drinking animal blood. He remained on his own and winds up in Forks and enrolled in school as to interact with others a bit. Here, he met Bella. Their story is similar to Twilight but without the Cullen's so the story starts off where New Moon is, on Bella's birthday. Bella/Edward
1. Chapter 1

_Edward never returned to Carlisle and Esme after his rebellious stage, but he did go back to drinking animal blood. He remained on his own, occasionally going to school and mingling into society as a means to escape a hermit life style. For years he thought about returning to Carlisle and Esme, but never managed to find the strength to do so._

 _Edward, over his course of mingling into society wound up in Forks and enrolled in the high school there, where he met Bella. Their story runs close enough to how Twilight runs, just without the other Cullen's. This story starts where New Moon is, on Bella's birthday, and how things progress from here._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

 **EDWARD POV**

I waited for Bella at the school. A flurry of people ran past as they heard the thunderstorms roaring, even though not a drop had fallen from the sky. Even if it had, I would still be here, waiting. The sound of her truck was loud enough I couldhear  
it from three blocks away, and if my heart could beat, it would have doubled in speed at the anticipation of her arrival.

As Bella pulled in, I saw her gnawing at her lip and I shook my head. It was her birthday, she's supposed to be in a good mood.

Our eyes met from across the parking lot and I started making my way over to her. Those eyes, a deep brown that every time I saw them caused me to smile. Would I ever stop being so excited when I saw those mud eyes looking into mine?

"Happy birthday," I said, andshe shook her head at me.

"Don't remind me."

I laughed as I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to me, "Your birth is definitely something to celebrate."

Bella rolled her eyes and leaned into me. "You didn't get me a present, did you? Please tell me no."

"Of course I did! You only turn eighteen once, and I have every intention of celebrating it with you," I used my otherhand and grabbed her chin before pulling her lips close to mine for a quick kiss.

But, Bella being Bella, it never could remain just that.

She grabbed myside and the back of my head and leaned into me, deepening the kiss with all her strength. I pulled her face away and sighed. "We have to get to class." I gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

Bella hadn't told anyone else it was her birthday, so no one made any motion to wish her one, which she liked way too much.

We had almost every class together, thanks to the dazzling technique Bella warned me I possessed. It made my day a lot easier, always being close to her rather than last year where I had to listen to other people's thoughts in order to spot her. OnceGovernment  
had finished up, it was time for lunch.

"Hungry?"

"Starving. You?"

I smiled, "I can manage." I grabbed ourbags and made our way to the cafeteria.

Bella seemed rather nervous as we were walking. What I wouldn't give to know what she was thinking! "What's wrong?" I finally ask.

"Any chance you can do me a small favour?" She stopped walking and I turned to face her. "For my birthday?"

I rose an eyebrow. For weeks she's been telling me to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist, and now she's asking a favor for her birthday? "Whatever you want."

She looked me dead in the eye, "Don't tell anyone." She almost soundedthreatening.

I shook my head, "Why do you hate your birthday so much, Bella." I reached out and stroked her cheek, she gave me a pleading stare and Icaved. "Fine. Not a word from me."

Bella's friends; Mike, Eric, Tyler, Angela, Ben, Jessica and Lauren (last couple being a bit of a stretch) were already at the table by the time Bella and I had gotten there.

"So, what do you think would be the best way to finish off senior year?" Eric asked.

"God, Eric, we only just started. I don't even want to think about any of that yet!"

Angela shook her head, "All I know ismy whole family is going to be coming down and I am not looking forward to that."

Ben looked wide eyed at that, "Seriously? Your family is massive!" _Oh God, I barely know any of them… and her dad isn't my biggest fan as it is…_

"How about you Bella? Edward?" Angela asked.

Bella shrugged, "Chances are my mom and Phil will be coming down, but not anyone else that I can think of."

I hated it when they brought this stuff up, "I'm not sure, depends on where my parents are at the time."

Humans. They always were curious. I was one of the biggest curiosities. Edward Masen, the boy who moved to Forks but his parents were always on the go somewhere, so practically living on my own. Of course, I could have parents, and I thought about themoccasionally,  
but after all this time…

Angela let the subject drop, but Mike – who's thoughts and spoken words were the bane of my existence – just couldn't. "I think that is just pathetic parenting. I mean, you could be out getting into trouble and doing drugs and how would they know?"

Jessica elbowed him, _What an idiot! I mean, it's true but he doesn't have to say that stuff out loud. God he's embarrassing to be with sometimes!_

 _Oh, poor Edward Masen. All alone._ Lauren's sarcastic thoughts were not very welcoming either.

The rest of lunch carried on as it always has. I sneak a few bites of food from the tray for Bella (any myself if anyone asked). Sometimes, this secret life of being a vampire really sucks.

When school was over,I walked Bella to her truck. "Thanks for not saying anything about my birthday to anyone."

"You're welcome. It was a birthday request after all."

She bit her lip, "Any chance that can be your birthday present to me? Keeping this dreaded day in the dark?"

I kissed her cheek. "Not a chance. Am I coming over?" She sighed and nodded. "I'll meet you over there."

The ten minutes it took to get to my car, drive to her place and wait for her slow and loud truck to make it were not the easiest. Being apart from her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I closed my eyes and remembered the day inthe  
meadow. I had brought her there, not knowing whether I was going to kill her, leave her or kiss her. I'm glad it was the latter.

I wonder, what would Carlisle think of what I am doing, and this control I've managed to find with Bella? Would he be proud?

All summer Bella has tried to convince me that I should find him and Esme. Let them know I am doing alright and that I miss them. Of course, I told her I would think about it, but I think Bella sees through me. I left in 1927 to seek the blood of evil  
/humans, and it had only lasted 7 years before I realized I was the monster, not these men.

Originally, I had every intention of going back to them, but I wanted to go back with golden eyes, not the demonic red I had been living with. It took me a while to find them, but when I did they were in Rochester and I saw living with them a tall, blondefemale  
vampire.

They had replaced me, but I wasn't mad. I knew from Esme's thoughts when I was with them that she always wanted children. Why should they wait forever for me to decide to turn my life around?

So, I had left again, but I kept my course and the training that Carlisle had taught me.

Over the years I have thought of going back, even just for a visit, but never did I find the strength to do so. Maybe one day, with the help of Bella, I can go back and beg Carlisle's forgiveness and thank him for this life, now that I've found a reason  
for it.

Every time I look in her eyes I think, without this life, without the second chance Carlisle gave me, I never would have found _her._

Bella's truck pulled up into her driveway and I got out to be with her.

I grabbed Bella's hand and led her inside the house, using the hidden key. "Are you hungry?"

She nodded, "A bit. Think I'll just make some pasta for dinner though."

I was not having that, "That is ridiculous Bella, it's your birthday. We'll order pizza."

She sighed, "I don't have the money for that and neither do you, and speaking of which, whatever you got me better not have been expensive."

I chuckled at how determined she sounded at that, "I didn't spend a dime, so let me at least buy you some food for you and Charlie. Please?" I dazzled.

"Fine. But only 1, since you're not going to be eating any of it."

"Deal."

Bella went upstairs to put her stuff away as I ordered the pizza, then I followed soon after. When I got to her room, she was at her dinosaur of a computer replying to an email from her mother. "Tell her I said hi."

She finished up the email, putting my greeting at the end, and came over to sit with me on the bed. I placed my arm around her shoulders and leaned her into me.

Her scent, so much stronger than those of every other human I have met, hit me like a ton of bricks. After months of being together, though,I was used to it, almost like a permanent part of me, and it was something I would never want to live without.

I leaned down and captured her lips in mine, making sure to keep her soft, warm, human skinaway from my sharp, hard, vampire teeth. Her lips moved frantically with mine and she pushed me down onto her bed, and yet I didn't break away from the kiss.

When she needed air I moved my lips to her chin and down to her throat before she grabbed my face and reconnected our lips.

If I let this go any further, I won't be able to keep control.

I broke away from her, leaning my forehead against hers. "You are the most dangerous human I have ever met."

"Danger magnet, remember."

Yeah, I remember. The one most clear to me was James, the nomad vampire. How he went after Bella when we were in the meadow the second time. I tried to get her as far away from Forks as I could but he caught up to us near Seattle. He got close to her,too  
close, and managed a bite before I ripped him to shreds. How I found the strength to suck the venom out I will never know.

"Ready for your present?" I smiled in anticipation. She groaned.

"Seriously? I told you I don't want anything."

I shook my head, "What is with you and your birthday? What are you afraid of?"

"Getting older," she mumbled under her breath.

I blinked, I see now. Today, she was a year older than me. "It's a little too early to worry about that. I thought girls freaked out when they got close to 30."

"It's a year older than you," she poked my chest.

"Technically I am well over a hundred years old. You don't have to worry about that." 

She gave me a serious look. I know she wanted me to change her, so we could be together forever, but I couldn't do it. I can't risk her soul.

Most of what Carlisle hadviewed,I do as well now, but not on that. That is one that I have never been able to see eye to eye with him on, even now.

Bella didn't say anything, so I smiled at my current victory, "See? Nothing to worry about."I went over to my backpack and pulled out her present. "Happy birthday."

Grabbing it, all be very begrudgingly, she started to open it.

That was when I lost all sense. The world around me shifted and turned and all I could feel inside of me was the animal. Her finger, stained in red from a paper cut, called to me.

Bella stood up, "God damn. Sorry. Sorry." She went towards the door but I was there in a flash closing it. Stopping her from leaving.

That smell. That hunger. That _blood_. Every inch of my body wanted me to pounce and take her right then, but I was savouring the smell.

I could barely hear Bella's voice as she called my name, first in confusion, then in fear. "Edward, stop. Please. Edward."

I leaned towards her hand and hesitated. This is _Bella!_ What am I doing? But I couldn't make my body stop.

Suddenly the front door opened and closed and Charlie's voice boomed to me. "Bella? Edward?"

That gave me enough of my senses.I held my breath and I ran out the window deep into the forest. I could hear Bella's faint, terrified sobsas I left.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

 **BELLA POV**

I didn't know what was happening. I cut myself on his gift and then he was… there. Looking at me as though I was his prey. _The lion fell in love with the lamb_. I hadn't seen that look on his face since the first day in Biology, and… I was really  
/scared.

But this was Edward! He wouldn't have actually done anything… would he? I held my finger as tight as I could to my chest and worked on not hyperventilating.

After I managed to calm down, all I could think of was, what now? What would happen to us now? There was no way Edward was going to forget this…

I barely heard Charlie calling out mine and Edward's name until he was right outside my door and knocking on it. "Hey, Bella, Edward are you in there? I thought I said to keep the door open when you are?"

"Um... ah, E-Edward's not in here," I stuttered, slowly standing up and opening the door. "We, um, got into a fight and he went for a walk."

Charlie looked a bit angry at that, "Seriously? He's fighting with you on your birthday?"

Quickly I came up with a lie, "That's what the fight was about, how I don't want to do anything for it and he's insisting. I'm sure he'll be back soon once he's cooled off."

Charlie reached out and patted me on the shoulder awkwardly. Neither of us were very good at dealing with situations like this, but I appreciated the effort nonetheless. "Edward had ordered a pizza for us," I continued.

"He was standing outside when I came in, I paid for it. It's in the kitchen." We both went downstairs and sat at the table, slowly eating the food. After two hours, I still hadn't seen or heard anything from Edward and it started to put me on edge. "He'sbeen  
gone for quite a while," Charlie pointed out.

I got up to go look outside to see if his car was still there, and it was. As I looked outside I could also see Edward emerging from the woods, his hair was all wild but he was in a new outfit that was clean. The closer he got, the more I could see his  
/face and he looked… well, dead. There was no life in his eyes.

Quickly I got to the door and opened it up. He didn't look past his shoes when he got to me, "Edward?"

His mouth moved as if he wanted to say something but had no idea what to say, I closed the door behind me so we were standing outside, out of hearing range from Charlie. I reached my hand out and touched his face and he flinched.

"It's okay. It's okay," I reached and wrapped my arms around his neck. Maybe I did have a death wish, after all, Edward had been maybe only seconds awayfrom drinking my blood and I was not afraid of him, and I knew he was beating himself up inside.

He didn't reach out for me, just keeping his arms at his side and I could tell he wasn't breathing, feeling more like a statue then he ever has. "I'm not bleeding anymore, it's fi–"

"Don't, Bella. Just…" he trailed off before relaxing a bit. "Just don't."

I let go of him and stared at his face. It was in so much pain and his eyes were more golden then before. I guess he went hunting.

"Come inside?" He nodded. "I told Charlie we got into a fight about me not wanting to celebrate my birthday."

Edward sighed, "You have been fighting me on that all day. Maybe I should have listened."

He opened the door behind me and gestured me through. Charlie looked up as we stepped into the living room where he migrated to watch a game. He gaveEdward an odd look, and nodded.

"Hello, Charlie. I'm sorry about that."

"No worries, there is still some pizza left if you want any."

"Thank you," and we made our way to the kitchen. Edward grabbed a slice of pizza and put it on a plate, offering it to me and I began nibbling on it. "Did you open your present?"

I shook my head. He kissed the top of my forehead and left, I assumed, to go get it from my room.

I hope things will go back to normal soon. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him right now. What would the next disaster be? My list of near death experiences since moving to Forks is already quite long. Do I have to add what happened only a fewhours  
ago to the list? Maybe not on mine, but it would most definitely go onto Edward's. His guilty conscience has always been an overload, even if it's just me tripping while we are on the way to the meadow.

This was not going to go over well with him, and I don't want to think about where this could end up.

Edward took his time, probably for Charlie's oblivious sake, and came down holding the square present he got for me. Once he sat down he began peeling at the paper.

Maybe I'm just going to get babied a bit more from now on. That I could live with.

Once the wrapping paper was off he offered it to me. It was a CD. "It's me playing the piano. I recorded it at the school, thought that you'd appreciate that more than me buying you a gift."

Tears welled in my eyes, "No, Edward. This is perfect."

He kissed the top of my head, "Your lullaby is the first song."

I smiled. As far as birthday gifts go, this one was a pretty good one. I looked up at him and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Thank you."

His face, which had turned a bit soft, had hardened once again. "I should get going."

Edward stood up, and I did as well. I quickly grabbed his hand, "Will you stay tonight?" He hesitated, looking very uncertain about the idea. "For my birthday?"

"Really? All day you've told me to ignore your birthday and now you have a request for it?"

"Yup!" I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

He kissed my forehead again. "Whatever you want. See you when Charlie's snoring."

Edward left the kitchen, giving my father a gentlemanly goodbye. Charlie looked towards me with a raised eyebrow. "Is everything okay, kid?"

I nodded. "Yeah, things will be. I think, he's just feeling bad about our fight earlier. He'll get over it. I'm going to head to bed."

"It's only 8, Bella."

"I'll probably read for a bit, first. I don't tend to fall asleep the moment I get to my room, dad." I rolled my eyes.

He waved his hand. "Okay, fine, fine. Oh, and Bella," I stopped in my tracks as I was heading up the stairs. "Happy birthday."

I blushed, "Thanks."

When I got to my room, Edward wasn't there, so I quickly got changed and laid down on my bed, turning over and putting my new CD into the CD player. My lullaby filled the room with the most pleasant and beautiful sound I have ever heard. I remember whenEdward  
first played this for me.

We were in the school and he led me to the music room where a grand piano laid in the back corner. He sat me down next to him on the bench, and his fingers moved with so much grace. My lullaby filled the air and I leaned into his shoulder. "Did you writethis?"

"I did," he replied.

"How long have you played for?" I asked as the song ended.

His fingers lingered on the keys, "I started playing when I was 5. My mother also played the piano so we shared this." He then looked at me and smiled. "One of Carlisle's first gifts to me after I was turned was a grand piano. Esme loved to hear me play,and  
I had written a song that later got titled Esme's favourite."

"Have you… never mind," I had leaned away from him, not wanting to be to pushy.

He had grabbed my chin and looked me in the eyes. "What?"

"Have you ever thought about contacting them? Finding them and letting them know you're alright?"

That was the first time I had ever talked with him about his vampire family. It wasn't the last either. We never got into a fight about it, but I knew sometimes that it was a difficult conversation for him. Edward always had a guilty conscience to things,and  
I assume the situation with them was one of the first as a vampire.

The next song that played on the CD was Esme's favourite. I always loved listening to this because it makes me think of an Edward that wasn't asalone as he is now.

Right now, he's probably in that cabin in the woods, sitting on the couch and trying not to overthink, or rather completely overthinking everything.

It didn't take me long before I fell asleep, all alone. My bed felt too warm without Edward, as it did every time he wasn't with me. I woke up in the middle of the night, and felt Edward's cool body pressed beside mine, his arm wrapped around my shoulderas  
my hands stayed on his chest.

"Hey," I mumbled.

"Hey," he rubbed my shoulder. "You should go back to bed."

"I'm not tired," I leaned up and looked at him. His eyes were still ones of pain. "How are you?"

He scuffed, "How am I? Really? I should be asking you that."

"Why?"

"Why? Seriously? Bella, I almost…" he trailed off, his eyes closed in frustration. "I almost killed you. I had no control when you cut your finger, I was going in for the kill, Bella."

Blunt honesty. He was very good at that. "Yeah, and you are taking it a lot harder than I am, so that's why I'm asking you."

"You're not scared of me? You don't think this relationship is a bad idea because of how much a danger I am to you?"He spoke a bit too loudly, we waited a bit to make sure Charlie was still sleeping before continuing.

I leaned into his chest and his arms wrapped around me. "You've told me since the beginning this was dangerous, and I've accepted the risk, because I love you. I just got to be more careful and if anything, what happened today proves that."

"It's not your fault, Bella. It's mine. I never should have pursued this."

I leaned back and grabbed his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "Don't. Don't you ever say that. Edward, these past few months have been… the best of my life and I wouldn't change it for anything. Please, don't regret it."

His eyes softened up and he moved my hands to intertwine with his. "I don't regret our time. Just the danger, and sadly us spending time together is a danger to you."

That scared me, "What… what are you saying?"

"I don't know yet," he closed his eyes. "I don't know what the right thing to do isanymore."

Neither of us said anything after that. All this uncertainty in the air was killing me, but I knew if I pushed it, it might not turn out very well.

"You should get back to sleep," he suggested, moving me to lay on the pillow beside him. "I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

That wasn't much reassurance to me, but my eyes were heavy and it didn't take long before I went back to sleep to the sound of him humming my lullaby.

* * *

The next day had gone by rather strangely. Edward left as soon as I woke up, giving me a quick kiss then picked me up for school. All day Edward never said a word, he would hold my hand but not rub his thumb on the back of it like henormally does.  
Inclass, whenever I tried to steal a glance at him,he never returned it, which he normally does. And whenever I tried to make even a bit of conversation (even going as desperate as to talk about the weather), he would just smile and shake  
his head.

I didn't like today. I didn't like it one bit.

After school, Edward pulled up at my house and closed his eyes. "Want to go for a walk?"

I blinked, "Oh, yeah! Sure."

He got out and at vampire speed came to open my door. "Show off," I said, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

We walked towards the wood down a hiking path there, him leading the way. Still in sight of the house he stopped, but didn't turn around to face me. I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket and just waited for him to say something.

His next words did not surprise me.

"I need to leave."

Even though I knew this was coming, it still causes my body to react surprised. "For how long?"

"Forever."

I shook my head. "Then let me come with you," I begged.

"Bella…"

"Don't. Don't do this. Not because of yesterday."

Edward finally turned towards me, "It's not just about yesterday, Bella. It's about everything since we first met. The first day in class and that first day in the meadow... I almost lost it as well. James and nowyesterday…" He ran a hand through  
his hair. "I'velet this go on for too long because… I feel alone. And that's not fair to you."

That statement took me by surprise. "What are you saying? Are you saying you don't… you don't… _love_ me?" It hurt more than I thought it would to say those words in that sequence out loud.

His eyes never met mine, instead they were deep in the forest. "No. No I don't. I mean, I did. It hasn't always been a lie. Recently though… I think I'm here more because I don't want to be alone anymore."

My knees felt like they were about to buckle beneath me. "That changes things."

"I'll always love you, in a way. But after what happened yesterday, itmade me realize I can't keep pretending to be what I'm not, Bella. I'm not human," I wonder if he could see how I was falling apart right in front of him. Probably. "Can you just  
promiseme something, Bella?"

"Anything."

"Don't do anything stupid. For Charlie," he quickly put in, almost like it was an afterthought. "It would kill him if something happened to you. Anyway, I guess that's it."

I reached out for him, "Please… please don't do this."

He grabbed my hand and placed them at my sides before kissing me on the top of my head. "Take care of yourself."

And he was gone.

* * *

I don't know how long I stood there for, unable to move my feet until my knees finally gave away and I was on the floor.

Eventually Charlie found me and brought me inside, one of the doctors at the hospital came to look at me, I think. I wasn't sure… everything around me was such a blur and I couldn't make sense of it all. All I could think of was he was gone.

And I did not resurface.

* * *

 **EDWARD POV**

I ran. I ran and ran as far away from Forks as I could, but it seemed no matter how far away I went, itwas never far enough. I could still hear her heartbeat, smell her scent, feel her lips pressed against mine, and it almost seemed thefurther  
I went awayfrom her, the more I could hear, smell and feel her.

It wasn't logical. Every fibre of my being told me to go back, beg Bella to forgive me and take me back.

But if I did that, it would be the death of her. But what pained me more wasn't me leaving, it wasn't the fact I had almost killed my one true love just yesterday, but how her first thought when I was leaving was that I didn't love her.

Did she think so little of our time together? Did she think it was so insignificant to me? No, no that wasn't it. She felt _she_ was insignificant. And I played that, I played that so it would be easier for me to leave because I knew if she knew the  
truth,that I loved her with every bit of me I have, she would not have let me go and she would have begged and pleaded until my will crumbled and I couldn't leave.

My one wish is that she will be safe, and she will be loved. She will find a human worthy of all she has to offer, she can get married and have children and be… Bella.

Me on the other hand… what was I going to do? I can't live my life, or whatever this is, without her. But I could still be here in this world if she was.

I have no idea where I am, I think somewhere in Canada. But things up here remind me of Forks too much. I keep going. Running faster and faster.

Maybe this is how I will spend the next eighty or so years. Running. And when she dies, I will too.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

 **EDWARD POV**

 **October**

 **November**

 **December**

 **January**

 **February**

 **March**

 **April**

 **May**

 **June**

 **July**

 **August**

 **September**

I don't know how long it has been? A few months? A few years? I haven't been paying much attention to the calendar. Stuff like that didn't seem to matter much to me anymore. Every day was a struggle, and every day was an endless battle for control tonot  
go after my unbeating heart's desires.

I was in Alaska. The cold doesn't bother me, even with a snowstorm starting to brew any hour now. I lay on some of the lower peaks that adorn the area and just sit here, waiting for something to happen.

When was the last time I hunted? I could feel the burn in my throat anytime an animal came near but my body wasn't reacting to go in for the kill. It must not have been as long as I think it has been. That was the only time I hunted, when my bodyacted  
without my mind.

I've been an empty and endless shell, only existing for the sake of existing and not because of anything else. My whole entire being became void the moment I said the word "No" to Bella.

Even now, I can remember her as clearly as if I saw her yesterday. Her brown hair with hints ofred in the sunlight, her mud brown eyes that looked at me with so much love and adoration. The feel of her hands as she stroked my arm and my face wheneverwe  
would cuddle up while watching a movie or in her bed as she was preparing to go to sleep. The whimpers and words she said while unconscious, holding onto me while muttering about Forks being too green or the rain too loud, or how she loved me.

I wonder, after all this time,if she found someone else? If she was happy? Or was she as miserable as I am being apart?

The amount of times I wanted to go back and just check on her, just check, was many. If I knew she was happy and living her life as she should,maybe I could try to do the same. Could I, though? Could I, even if she was happy, leave again after seeingher.  
Not being around her was putting me in so much pain it was excruciating.

I wasn't in this much pain that first day in Biology, I wasn't even in this much pain when she gave herself that papercut. This was a whole other level.

Maybe that's what I need to do, for myself… no. No, I can't do that… I need to leave her aloneand let her live her life as full as she can without my interference. I know if I see her I won't leave, and I cannot do that to her.

Breaking me out of my trance was a scent, a scent I have not smelled in a long time. I turned my head and looked behind me to see a blonde staring at me, leaning against a tree with her arms crossed, looking very interested and curious.

Quickly I stood up and got in a defensive position, she whistled and raised her hands. "I come in peace, don't worry."

That didn't cause me to relax, especially as she came closer. _Well this is an interesting specimen, it's been a while since another vampire has come into our territory._

"My name is Tanya, me, my sisters, and a couple otherslive not too far from here, in Denali." _This man is gorgeous! But he looks to be in so much pain…_ "May I ask what you are doing so far away?"

It's been so long since I spoke, I wonder what my voice would sound like. "Same as you, I'm sure. Easier to stayanonymous."

"Wise answer, Mr.…"

"My name doesn't matter," I snapped.

She noticed my eyes, _when was the last time this man hunted? Well, maybe a small warning…_ "I would take you back to my place and help you get all fixed up, but I can tell you haven't hunted in a while and we prefer that the villages in the area  
/remain… undisturbed, if you understand my meaning."

I shook my head, "I don't hunt humans, so you don't have to worry about me on that."

 _Him as well!_ "You're an animal hunter, too, then?"

"Too?" I questioned.

"My family and I, we hunt animals too, if you haven't noticed the golden eyes." She pointed to them and I could finally see the colour. My observation talents have turned to be something to desire, all this time by myself. "You really shouldhunt  
though. I seethe black eyes and the bags under, you probably haven't hunted in weeks. Need any help?"

I turned away from her. "I know how to hunt, thank you very much, now if you'll excuse me." Quickly she ran over to me and grabbed my hand.

"You're in pain. I don't have a special gift for knowing that, I can just see it, and someone in the type of pain you are most likely in should not be on their own, don't you agree?"

"No, I don't." I snapped. Usually I was good at keeping a friendly demeanour to others, trying to be as gentlemanly as I could. I guess I've gotten to apoint where I don't care anymore.

She dropped my hand and stared at me before sighing, "If you choose, after hunting, come over to our house and we can fix you up at least with some new clothes before you continue doing whatever it was you were doing. I'm sure you can find our scent tohelp  
lead you in."

And she was gone.

What had just happened? This was the first contact I've had with any intelligent creature in months, and I was already so confused about what was going on.

I decided to take this Tanya up on her offer, after hunting down a whole herd of deer I went and found their house. Maybe some new clothes and bit of contact with someone else wouldn't be the worst idea. All I'm doing is wallowing in self-pity, after  
/all.

Their house was, for lack of a better word, gorgeous. It was quite some ways away from the town so as to keep their privacy, but close enough that they weren't hermits. When I came up to the door Tanya was the first to greet me. _Oh, so he did decide to come by. How wonderful!_

Her thoughts were very loud and annoying, I did have to say. What I wouldn't give to be around someonewho's mind was a blank slate…

I shook that thought from me and offered a forced, small smile. "Hello. Yeah, thought your offer would be a good idea."

"Well come in, come in," she ushered me inside and right there in the living space were three other females and a male. "These are my sisters,Irina and Kate, and that is Carmen and Eleazar. This is…"

"Edward."

 _What a handsome man, very lean. What I wouldn't give to…_

I changed my focus away from the one named Kate. Though she didn't seem to be as outwardly flirtatious as Tanya, she was still a bit on that side of things.

The man, Eleazar stood up and shook my hand. "It is very nice to meet you. Another vegetarian. Very rare indeed." I nodded. "And, your gift…" _Mind reader._

Carmen stood up and placed her hands on Eleazar's shoulders, "What gift would that be?"

I started getting very uncomfortable. It has been so long since I've been around anyone where I had to explain that I could read all their thoughts. Last person was Bella, but I was able to comfort her by saying hers was blocked to me. These people hadno  
such luck.

 _Don't worry, I won't say anything._ "Nothing of consequence."

Tanya clapped her hands together, "Well, I promised you some new clothes so I'm going to be taking from your closet there, Eleazar."

"No worries."

Carmen grabbed my hand and led me to the couch. "Come. Sit."

We sat in silence for a while. Everyone had questions running through their heads, but no one seemed to want to say them out loud. Kate was the first one to speak.

"So, where did Tanya pick you up?" She asked.

"West of here. I was just… hanging out I guess."

Tanya came back very quickly with some clothes in her hands. "And he hadn't hunted in weeks. His eyes were as black as black can be. Glad you fixed that." She shoved the clothes at me. "Now go try those on."

I shook my head and headed to an empty room. I wonder if they forgot that vampire can hear practically everything, because it was only milliseconds after I left where they started talking about me.

"A man on his own, living off of animals. That is very interesting."

"I wonder though," Carmen thought. _Could he be_ that _Edward?_ "Remember Carlisle and Esme telling us about the first person that he changed? Wasn't his name Edward?"

"I thought it was Edwin… but that name was really popular for many years. It could be just a fluke."

"The coincidence though is pretty big." _Should we ask him?_ Carmen thought. _They really miss him, and I'm sure he does miss them, too._

I closed my eyes. So, these people knew Carlisle and Esme. The vampire world was small. Smaller than I realized.

I came out of the room in a whole new outfit. It definitely felt better than what I was in before, having worn that since I left Forks. As I stepped out I noticed a calendar. September 23.

I stared motionless. Has it been a year already? Over a year… though I knew I was lost in my time, I still had some hope that maybe it had been shorter than that. With my will power weakening every day to stay away,I always hoped that when it wouldcrumble  
it wouldn't be too long, because thelonger I was gone, the more chance there was that she'd moved on…

But I wouldn't go back. I don't even know why those thoughts came to me.

Tanya came up beside me, "Something wrong?" She asked.

"I–I just didn't know what day it was. Took me by surprise is all," I let her lead me towards the rest of the group.

"So how long are you staying for, Edward?" Kate asked.

"I shouldn't stay too long." My solitude was the only thing I've known this past year, and I feel this urge to either go back to it, or go back to Bella… being around others only made the latter more desirable.

 _I don't know if you should be on your own, young one._ Eleazar thought towards me. He was getting the hang of this more quickly then I remember Carlisle even doing. _You seem to be in so much pain. How can being on your own help you any?_

I guess I'll never be able to hide the pain I was in. I wear it on my sleeves so obviously.

"Do you know where you will be going?" Eleazar asked.

I shook my head. "No place in mind."

"How about this!" Tanya jumped enthusiastically. "Stay with us for a week. See how you like being around others, and if at the end of the week you want to go back to that life of solitude we won't stop you." _I hate seeing someone so lost on their own. With him having the same diet as us, it's a lot easier for us to help him out. I hope he says yes, we also need more eye candy around here._

I shuddered a bit at the end statement of her thoughts. "I'm fine. Honestly. I should, get…"

Everyone's faces were worried and sad. They didn't know me, yet they were all extremely caring about my wellbeing.

Maybe I could do it. Maybe I could be around others and that could help keep my mind off of Bella, though my heart would always be with her.

One week. I could do one week.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

 **EDWARD POV**

The time with this clan in Denali was… strange. Kate, Tanya and Irina enjoyed the company of the human men in town and were out constantly. I spent most of my time with Carmen and Eleazar, whom I was started to not mind the company of. I appreciated Eleazar  
keeping my gift a secret. One night I asked him why.

"It must be strange, being around people and they cannot keep any secrets from you. When they know that, they probably feel unnerved and cautious. I take it, it's better for the atmosphere if not everyone is that way around you."

He understood me perfectly.

"It took my creator almost 2 days to figure out I was answering his thoughts and wasn't just talking nonsense," I spoke without thinking. I forgot in that moment that these vampires knew Carlisle. I didn't want to bring the subject up, but it had been  
so long since I talked with anyone, much less another vampire, I fell into a comfort.

Thankfully he didn't press the issue on who created me, "So you've been a vampire for how long?"

"Early 1900s," I answered. "I've been on my own since right before the 1930s though. How about you?"

"I've been around for a long time," he smirked. "1700s. The exact year is a bit hazy sincetime wasn't as easily tracked then as it is now, or even when you would have been born."

I was intrigued by his history. He was born in Spain,and after his transformation, worked for the Volturi. His gift was a strange one, and it didn't shock me that the Volturi would have wanted him.

"I can sense what people's gifts are, that's how I knew what you could do so easily. I identified many gifted vampires for them until I met Carmen. I hadn't known how violent the life was with the Volturi until I met her and her peaceful… well,everything."  
He laughed. "Then I left them, and we met the three sisters and found this animal lifestyle. I've never been so happy as I am now."

I knew what he meant. Being on this diet made me not feel as lost and more like myself. Those years where I was on human blood… those were the worst days of my life and I know even now I can never take them back or change it. The months where I was with  
Bella… before I was just existing, with Bella I was… living! My heart may not have been beating but I was living when I was with her.

 _No, stop, stop, stop!_ I yelled to myself. Yes, I may have been living with Bella, but my own personal joy and happiness was not worth her life.

It was getting harder and harder to remember why I left Bella and why I'm here instead of in Forks. The more I was around these vampires whose lives were so carefree and enjoyable, the more I was forgetting what brought me here so far away from where  
I wanted to be.

Watching Carmen and Eleazar's love and hearing their thoughts for each other, and reading in Tanya, Irina and Kate's minds about how they are with all these human men and not worried about the fact they are different species.

I wanted to ask them how they do it. How they get so close to humans in that manor and not worry that they are going to accidentally bite them, or hold them too tight and break their bones. That they aren't going to kill them! Those answers were what  
I felt like I needed to get back to Bella.

Then I remember I've been gone for a year. A whole year! Even if she would take me back, she had to have moved on with her life by now, even if it was just for her parent's sake. I can't interfere with that.

I wouldn't.

I sat in the living room, the TV turned onto the news. Something about a serial killer in Seattle has been rampaging since May and they still haven't caught him. Knowing what I know as a vampire, I knew the truth behind their "serial killer." I'm surprised  
the Volturi haven't come in and stopped it yet.

Seattle was so close to Bella…

Tanya and Irina came in then, both holding shopping bags. _He's still here! Oh, I hope he stays,_ Tanya thought.

 _I wonder what he'll think of the clothes we bought him._ Irina thought before starting to picture me taking my current clothes off.

If I stay here any longer, I'm going to have to mention something about my mind reading ability…

"Hey Edward," Irina came over, holding out a bag. I raised my eyebrow. "It's for you. You need more than one set of clothes to make it by."

I grabbed the bag and looked inside. "Thanks."

"So," Irina sat down. "Have you thought about what you're going to do when you leave us?" _I really hope you don't. It's nice to have a change around here. Things can get so monotone._

I shrugged. What was I going to do? I don't know if I can go back to hiding myself in the middle of the woods, waiting for my body to feed for me anymore. This little bit of something I found being around others… it was nice.

I was still in pain, I still wanted nothing more than to go back to where I left my heart and that would never go away, but…

"Well, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need to," she patted me on the shoulder and left. _I wonder what happened to him… I really don't like the idea of him being on his own. He looks so lost all the time._

Just then the phone rang and Tanya rushed to get it. "Hello?"

 _"Tanya, it's been a while,"_ a familiar voice said from the other end.

"Why, it has! How is life treating you guys?"

 _"Oh, pretty well. We settled into a town south of Seattle."_

"That's good to hear, so what can I do for you, Carlisle?" Tanya said. I blinked. That's where that voice was familiar from. I listened more intensely.

 _"Well, you heard about what is going on in Seattle, right?"_ Carlisle asked. Tanya replied with a yes. _"Well, something has come up regarding that, and we are hoping that maybe you can be of some assistance?_ "

"In what way?" Irina came up to stand beside Tanya at this point, listening in.

Carlisle sighed, _"Well, we have reason to believe that this is an army of newborn vampires. Jasper says all the signs are there, but we don't know their motives. We've only been here for a couple months. We were wondering if you know of anything that might be causing this?"_

"Sadly, I don't Carlisle. I heard about it and I thought it was strange but an army! I'm surprised the Volturi haven't come and stepped in yet. It's been going on for months now."

 _"We were thinking the same thing,"_ Carlisle responded. _"You're the only other coven this side of the world that we know of, so just wanted to see about getting any input you might have."_

"I'm sorry I can't be of any more help," Tanya said sadly.

They both said their goodbyes and she hung up the phone.

Tanya and Irina just stared at each other with worry, both their thoughts reflected the same thing. Thy didn't like their friends being so close to a problem like that, and come to think of it, neither did I. I may not have seen Carlisle for many years  
– decades! – but he was still my father to me.

Just then Carmen and Eleazar came in, both of whom just returned from a hunting trip. They saw the look on Tanya and Irina's face and rushed over to see what was going on. Tanya told them about Carlisle's call and how worried she was about their proximity.

"Maybe we can go down to them?" Carmen suggested.

Eleazar was quick to shake his head, "No, the more vampires in the area the more it will alarm the Volturi when they do step in. For now, our best bet is to just wait it out and hope for the best." He kissed Carmen on the head and that was when I stopped  
listening.

Maybe I'm a bit depressed still, maybe I am looking for something to liven me up after a year of being alone and actually feeling like it. But I suddenly felt the need to do something about this. Not only did I now know that Carlisle, Esme and their family  
was in the area of this trouble but possibly Bella too…

I have only known about this this past week, having been so isolated from the world before.

I hoped Bella moved to Jacksonville with her mother, and that thought was enough to comfort me, or that she was off to college down in Phoenix, getting back to the sun that she loves so much.

There had to be a way for me to check without going down there… at the state I was right now, integrating back with others, I was in no state to see Bella and be able to leave her again. I went over to the group as they stood their worried.

"I'm sorry, but do you guys have a cell phone I can borrow quickly?" I asked, hoping not to intrude for too long. Irina nodded her head and handed one to me. "Thank you."

I ran out of the house as into the woods as fast as Icould while keeping up reception. Then, I dialed the familiar number of the Swan residence.

"Hello," an unfamiliar voice rang. It sounded quite annoyed.

"Um, hello," I hadn't thought about what to say. "I need to speak with Charlie Swan, is he there?"

There was a dead silence on the other end, "No, he's visiting a grave."

I dropped the phone right out of my hand and it landed in the light layer of snow that had gathered on the ground. I could hear that man saying a stream of "hellos" before hanging up himself.

A grave? Could it be… no… no it couldn't be…

I remembered a conversation I had with Bella that summer we spent together. She was reading an article on the computer about a couple who committed suicide because they thought that was the only way they were going to be together.

I had come up behind her and placed my hands on hers. "It's tragic, isn't it?" Bella asked.

"It is. The fact they felt the only way to be together was in death… that must have been a hard love."

I kissed her neck, "Harder than ours?" She asked in a hasty breath.

"Probably not, but that doesn't make it less difficult." She turned to face me.

"And what about us? What would make us the most ideal?"

I grabbed her face in my hands and starred at her. "The most ideal is both of us as humans."

"The next."

I know what answer she wanted from me. We'd had this discussion before, about me turning her. I couldn't fathom the idea, though. Her skinstone cold, heart never beating, her having to leave her family and friends anda whole possible future  
to live as a soulless monster… I know my next answer broke her heart a little bit. "There isn't one," before she could say anything I placed my finger to her lip, "but we make do with what we got. And we exist as we are supposed to. The rest will  
work itself out somehow."

"I guess… I just want to he with you. I don't know how I'll live without you."I leaned in and kissed her. If I knew my kisses with her were going to be so limited I would have savoured them more, maybe not put as many boundaries as I did…

I don't know how long I stood there, as still as a statue, but eventually Eleazar came and found me, dragging me to the house and setme down on the couch, all the while speaking and thinking my name.

I tried to consul myself thinking _it might not be her grave. Charlie has a lot of friends who might have died… it might not be Bella's… it_ can't _be Bella._

There was only one thing to do. One thing to make sure… I had to go back to Forks. I had to see, either her sleeping face or her grave. I had to.

But what if it was a grave I found? What would I do then? I couldn't even think of what I would do. What would I do…?

Would. Would. Would. That was the word that was traversing through my head. It wouldn't leave me.

What _would_ I do?

Where _would_ I go?

 _Would_ she forgive me up there in heaven?

 _What_ would I be if she was dead…?

All these questions… unanswered… Unanswered unless I go to Forks.

Slowly I began to wake up, or whatever it is. I could see Tanya, Kate, Irina, Eleazar and Carmen all staring at me.

"Oh, thank God!" Tanya hugged me in joy as my eyes opened and I showed signs of movement. "What the hell happened?"

"I… I need to go," I quickly stood up and gathered my things.

Everyone seemed shocked, "I don't know if that's a good idea, Edward," Eleazar spoke. _In your state, you most certainly should not be on your own._

"I'm sorry," I replied hastily. "Thank you, guys, for everything."

And I was out of there, running as fast as I could south, closer and closer to where I left my heart. My love. Thankfully, none of them followed me.

And I pray to any God that may listen that she was alive.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

 **BELLA POV**

 **October**

 **November**

 **December**

 **January**

 **February**

Life was still hard, but I was working through it. A couple months ago Charlie finally had had enough of my stupor and was going to shipme off to Jacksonville, but I wouldn't. I couldn't. I wasn't sure why, I don't know if I was waiting for something  
or someone.

I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found Jake, if I hadn't gone to him. These past couple months I've been able to live as best as I can because he was there for me, helping me move on from Edward and just let me be myself and not the catatonic,  
depressed girl who can't get over her ex-boyfriend who had to move away because his parents found a permanent residence and didn't want him living halfway across the country on his own anymore.

That is at least what I told Charlie when he kept asking and asking. It's not like Edward was ever going to return to challenge that story and people needed something.

He once told me that part of being a vampire was keeping up pretenses and not letting anyone get too close. "That's where I've failed," he had said to me. "You are way too close, not that I mind at all."

I shook my head, I didn't need those thoughts not right now. I was on my way to La Push, on my way to see Jake.

* * *

 **March**

Jake won't talk to me. His dad says he's sick and he can't hang out anymore, but I know people who say they've seen him running around. There is something going on in La Push, something that is big and now Jake is a part of it.

I feel like I'm falling apart again, and I don't know if I can take it anymore. Jake fixed the hole that Edward had carved in me but now that Jake is gone it's reopened in worse condition than before. Something is wrong, very wrong.

And I'm going to find out.

* * *

 **April**

Vampires. I could live with that. Knowing that vampires were real just made my knowledge of our world that much more mysterious and alluring. Not to mention I didn't mind because the only man I've ever loved and probably ever will is a vampire himself.

But now I have something new to add to the strings of underworld knowledge I possess.

Werewolves.

That's what was going on. My friend Jacob Black is a werewolf as are some other boys from the res. The idea that there is this whole underbelly of the world just astounds me. This world is much darker and more secretive than I could have ever imagined.  
Honestly, I don't care he's a werewolf, I'm just glad to have my friend back.

There was only one problem to this though, and it caused me to worry every second of every day. The fact that Jacob, the alpha of his pack Sam, Embry, Paul and Jared were hunting Victoria. I only remember her briefly, she didn't make much of an impression  
when Edward and I ran into her, James and Laurent. Honestly, I thought she might have taken off to get away from James just like Laurent did. But now she's after me, at least according to what Laurent told me in the meadow.

His reasoning, that she wanted to kill me because I was Edward's mate, made no sense to me. If she had been here long enough she would have known that we weren't like that anymore. That killing me won't cause him any pain besides maybe a bit of guilt.

Now the pack is protecting me from her, so I spend most of my day in La Push, walking down the beach, cooking with Sam's finance Emily or watching TV with Billy. Mostly when I end up spending time with Jake he's sleeping, which I'm glad he can get even  
a few hours of.

I just wonder, how did my life become so involved with the otherworldly?

* * *

 **May**

 **June**

 **July**

The past few months where I'm finishing my senior year went as they have since April. Luckily, I managed to pass all my exams thanks to extreme boredom in La Push that I felt I had nothing better to do. But now it was summer, and it was a lot harder to  
hide out and pretend that I was doing okay, even Charlie started noticing it.

I didn't have school to take my mind off of things when I knew the pack was hunting down Victoria. For the most part, when I wasn't hiding in La Push, I was hiding in my room.

Things started becoming quite depressing again. Luckily, today Jacob managed to get off of patrol duties so we decided to escape Forks.

Jacob pulled up beside my house in the Rabbit and I jumped in so quick you might have thought I had vampire speed. "Hey beautiful."

"Hey, Jake." We gave each other an awkward side hug before he turned on the road and drove towards Port Angeles. "So, what's on the agenda."

"Hmm, not sure. What is there even to do in Port Angeles?"

"Movies?" I suggested. Jacob gave me an odd stare. I held out my hands defensively. "We don't have to watch another stupid movie of my choice, don't worry. It was just a suggestion.

Jacob laughed, "You got it. Movies sound good. No terrible picks by Bella Swan and no romances," I smiled. Jacob knew me so well. Though I never specifically told him I couldn't do romance movies, what with me having to clutch my chest whenever anything  
romantic went down around me, he just knew. "How about that new cartoon musical? Corny music, cheap laughs, leaving singing to the music we are going to have stuck in our head for days."

I smiled, "Sounds perfect, step on it!"

Being with Jacob in this way was… comforting. And it also has been way too long. Our lives had both taken quite a turn when he started turning into a werewolf, and though is attitude is something to be desired sometimes, his core being hadn't changed  
and for that I was grateful.

Because of Jake's eagerness we got to Port Angeles rather quickly and were able to make it in for a quick showing of the movie. Though it did have an underline romantic section to it (which I did leave to go to the washroom for), the rest of the movie  
was fun and we left, as predicted, quoting and singing along.

Jacob put his arm around my shoulders as we walked to his car. I know from the outside it probably looks like we were a couple and I know that that is what Jacob wants as well. Maybe I shouldn't be encouraging this. I couldn't be like that with him… I  
was still too hung up on Edward and it wouldn't be fair to pretend like I wasn't for his sake, but at the same time, is this cruel to him, too?

I remember a day a few months ago where Jacob kissed me. At the time I thought I could it, I could _try_ with him. But after a few secondof his lips moving with mineI started panicking inside.

My mind may have said I was ready, but my body and heart weren't. Luckily, Jacob wasn't too upset about it and we just went back to normal, almost like the kiss never happened.

I've had this argument with myself several times over the past months we've been hanging out. Always questioning things about our relationship and what we were doing. Honestly, if I didn't need Jacob I probably would have ended this just so I wouldn't  
be so mean to him by holding him at arms lengths.

When we got back into the Rabbit, Jacob clapped his hands. "Okeydokey, what's for food?"

"We can go to the McDonalds around the corner?"

"Sounds good."

We sat down inside the McDonalds, listening to the kids running and their parents screaming at them to get in their seats. "Thanks for today, Jake. I really needed this."

Jacob shoved around ten French fries into his mouth, "Me too. A day far away from Forks and La Push and everything going on. Just what we needed. If we stuck around I might have gotten my day off cut short."

"Good thing we chose to get away for the day," I smiled.

"Yeah." He stared at me. I could see a question burning in his eyes but his mouth held so tight, like he was forcing himself not to say anything.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, "What's wrong?"

"I want to ask you something, and I know you're not going to like it." He trailed off. I tried my best to plead with my eyes for him to just tell me already. "Alright, here it goes. I know you're still not over… well you know. And I just wanted to let  
you know–"

"Jake," I interrupted, "We've had this conversation before. Please don't. It's not fair to you to be my rebound. You're too important to me for that."

"Can't we try?" Jake begged. "I know I mean more to you than just a friend."

"Exactly! You're my best friend, don't ruin that," I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I leaned away from him.

We didn't say anything else, just finished eating in silence (Jacob went up for 2 more full meals) then we left. Jacob looked frustrated the whole ride home, and still never said a word. It wasn't until he pulled in front of my house that I finally decided  
to break the silence.

"Are you working tonight?"

"Probably," he muttered so low I barely heard. "You coming over tomorrow?"

I shook my head, "I have a lot of stuff to do around here tomorrow."

"Well," he sighed. "See you sometime, then."

I took the hint and left the car, and he sped out so quickly I could smell the rubber of the tires.

Charlie was asleep on the couch when I got in, "Charlie. Charlie, come on, you're going to hurt you back." I dragged him upstairs to his bed where he just conked out as soon as his body hit it.

It didn't matter how many months it's been – almost a year – but I still expect to see him sitting on my bed or in the rocking chair waiting for me to watch me sleep.

That initial shock of not seeing him always made the hole in my chest shiver, but I was getting used to it. That must be rather sad…

Even after all this time I still am in the habit of changing in the bathroom, something I'm glad Charlie never questioned about me if he ever noticed. It was so quiet, trying to go to sleep seemed almost impossible, so I opened the window, hoping maybe  
some of that night time noise would lull me to sleep.

The last noise I remember hearing before I went to sleep was the sound of multiple wolves howling in the night.

* * *

 _Knock, knock, knock._ "Bella!" Charlie rammed on my door. "Jacob's outside having, I think a freak out,and needs to talk to you."

Quickly I got out of my bed and ran downstairs to Jacob who was pacing in front of the house, digging a hole into the concrete. I ran out, holding my arms as the night time cold winds hit me. It was July for God's sake.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Something has happened," he frantically said as he dragged me out of view of Charlie's house around the bush. "There are vampires in town."

My heartbeat quickened. "Vampires?"

He nodded, "Do you remember in that story I told you on the beach? About the treaty we made with some of them because they didn't eat humans?" I nodded. "Well, that family has returned. With them being back, I can't protect you while they're here from  
that red head unless you are in La Push."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just nodded. "Can you try to be in La Push as often as you can? We'll still do our best but–"

"Jake!" I interrupted. "Jake, I'll be fine, yes I'll be in LaPush as often as I can, don't worry."

He sighed and nodded. "Thank you." We didn't talk for too much longer before he left running into the woods and turning into a wolf.

When I got inside I made some half ass excuse that Jacob was freaking out over something unimportant. I know it didn't fully satisfy Charlie but he was tired enough that he didn't push it for now.

It was harder to fall asleep, knowing that the chances of Victoria getting to me had grown immensely.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

 **BELLA POV**

 **August**

Summer was brutal, and it had started to dawn on me that the fall was not going to be any better. I opted to take a year off before starting school to "keep working on getting better." At least, that's what I told Charlie. He seemed very supportive of  
the idea, knowing how important being around Jake was to me at the moment.

Though spending time with Jacob, even with me going to La Push twice was often as before, was still hard. There were many times I crashed on Billy's or Emily's couch and just spent the night, I wonder if Charlie thinksI'm slowly moving onto the  
res.

For the past month, all the wolves talked about were the vampires. I wasn't entirely sure who they were talking about. All I knew was that they were called the Cullen's, there were six of them and the leader – or father according to what was told around  
town, was going to be the new doctor at the Forks hospital.

Barely anyone from La Push is willing to go to the hospital now that a "vampire is working there. It didn't matter whether they were people who knew the truth or not, the stories were still there.

I was slightly curious, I knew Edward talked about the one who turned him being a doctor, but all he ever told me was his first name, so I had no way of knowing whether this was him or not. If so, and if Edward decided to finally go and find Carlisle…  
my heart raced at the idea.

I shook my head, I can't get too ahead of myself. Edward has been away from them since the 1920s and only tried to find them once not even a decade later before deciding they were better off without him. There was no way he would come here to find them.  
He would keep his distance, and even if he was interested to try again, once he heard they were in Forks, he'd back off until they moved at the least.

So that was it. He wasn't coming back, now more than ever. I went over to my computer, letting the loud groan echo through the room. I replied to a message from my mother then went to the kitchen to do some dishes I had left from diner the night before.

Charlie had already left for work and I promised him I would catch up on the housework I had been abandoning since I had to start spending all my time in La Push. It took a while to convince Jacob and even Sam that I will be safe for a day, and if something  
happens,I am only a phone call away since I wasn't planning on leaving the house.

I did the first batch of dishes and let the other batch soak before heading to do the laundry.

I wonder what I would be doing now if I hadn't met Edward, or at the very least, never fell in love with him. Would I still be hunted down by vampires because of the smell of my blood? Would I have found out the werewolf secret because of the friendship  
mine and Jacob's family had for each other? Would I be off to college this year, getting away from the rain and the clouds into a place that was warm and sunny and not so green?

It was hard to know. Chances are probably. I know I would be a lot happier and a lot less stressed, but I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't trade the time I spent with Edward for even a moment of that life.

As I sit here, putting clothes in the washer I can almost picture him, standing beside me, leaning against the dryer as we talked about the most trivial things.

Once I turned the washer on I leaned against the wall and put my arm around my stomach, holding myself together. I'm thinking about him too much.

I found that I can think about him in spurts for a while before my chest start to ache, I guess I pushed the limit on this one.

Slowly I went back upstairs, glad Charlie wasn't home to see my face as I slowly breathed in and out. Maybe keeping up with the dishes is the best idea…

As I reached into the water, the first thing I grabbed was a steak knife by the blade and it cut myhand wide open. "Ouch, damn it!" As I let go it got caught on something else and sliced even deeper into my hand, the water in the sink turning a  
deep, dark red.

I quickly took my hand out of the water and wrapped a towel around it, shaking. After a few minutes, I looked at my hand again and saw that this probably needed stitches.

Quickly I went upstairs, grabbed my jacket, my keys and my purse and drove to the hospital. I never knew how hard it was to drive a truck one handed, but luckily, I managed to get there without incident.

 _"You're a magnet for danger,_ " I heard his voice say. It's been a while since I had heard anything – my cliff diving episode to be more precise – and I shook my head. I didn't need the reminder.

I walked up to the receptionist and we did the normal exchange for an emergency before I sat down and waited about an hour. One of the nurses came out, "Isabella Swan? Dr. Cullen will see you now."

That got me wide eyed. Of course, I go to the hospital with how many doctors (okay, not too many because this is Forks, but still) and the vampire doctor is who I get. Maybe it wasn't a magnet for danger as more a magnet for the supernatural…

When Dr. Cullen came into the room, there was no mistaking him as a vampire. The pale complexion, the golden eyes, that aura of charisma.

"Isabella," he started flipping through my chart.

"Bella," I corrected.

"Well, Bella. Heard you had quite an accident, let me see."

I was a bit nervous, not because I was being treated by a vampire (which,if I had any doubts before, theywere suddenly erased by his cold touch), but because the last time I bled around one I had almost gotten attacked and the blood had not  
been to this degree. But he seemed calm and unfazed by the blood, almost like it wasn't thenatural food source that it is to him.

"That's a deep one. Definitely going to need stitches. Can you roll up your sleeve?" He asked, then turned around to grab the essential materials. I rolled up my sleeve and he sat down working on my hand. "Now this is going to be painful for a long while  
until it fully heals up, is this your dominant hand?" I nodded. "Try to not have to use it too often, you don't want to rub the stitches any more than you have to."

He asked how it happened, I assumed to keep me from thinking too much about the needle edging into my hand, and I told him. Especially how chances are this isn't the last time he'll see me cause of how I am so accident prone I should be disabled.

He was easy to talk to, something you wouldn't think to feel around a vampire. I also noticed his eyes kept glancing up to my mid arm, and it took me a while to realize why he was doing that. I remembered James's scar from that night he almost got to  
me. Dr. Cullen must recognize the mark or something, cause his brow creased after he placed his hand on it, making it look like he was trying to get a better grip on my arm for the stitches.

Edward did always tell me I was too perceptive for my own good.

"There," he said as he cut the cord of the string. "That should do it. I'm going to also prescribe some anti-biotics to help stop it from getting infected, and like I said before, try not to use that hand as often as you can. I recommend wearing gloves  
when you think you might need to be touching something that can rub into the wound. Scars in that spot are particularly tricky to deal with."

I nodded and stood up, grabbing the prescription paper he handed me. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"I hope not to see you again too soon, Bella, despite your warning," he smiled.

"I'll work on it," and I left. As I went to the front desk to finish up I noticed a wall with plaques of all the doctor's names on it. The third one down on the right held the name I was wondering.

 _Dr. Carlisle Cullen_.

Well, my curiosity is now satisfied.

* * *

 **September**

I didn't end up seeing Dr. Carlisle Cullen again in the past month, so maybe his wish that I didn't hurt myself was counter balancing my bad luck and the universe's need to injure me at every turn. Well, to be honest there were times I probably should  
have gone to the hospital, but when you sprain your wrist it's easy to just go to the drug store and buy a brace instead of worrying the doctors at the hospital about it, and when I twisted my ankle I went back to the drug store and bought the wrap  
to put it in.

For some reason, I dreaded seeing Dr. Cullen again. Not that he wasn't nice, and I wasn't scared of him, but now that I know he is _the_ Carlisle that Edward had spoken of countless times, I couldn't bring myself to see him.

I was scared I'd blurt something out about knowing the big secret, and he didn't need to be burdened with that.

This past while has been really quiet in the Victoria field. My job at Newton's got upgraded to fulltime when Mike left for school and since I had availability up the wazoo, Mrs. Newton took advantage of it. Dealing with only 2 employees was better than  
the 3 she usually had paperwork wise, and the other person could only work weekends because of school, so I was doing the 9-5 shift every day of the week.

This was good, maybe this way I can actually save up and hopefully go to college next year.

There were a couple times I saw the other Cullen's around town, mostly when they came into Newton's to purchase new camping equipment. One of them, whom I believe another called Emmett, was real burley and quite intimidating while this other girl with  
short pixie cut hair was just lively with bubbling energy every time I see her.

From the sounds of it, two of them were freshman and the other two were juniors. _Start off young, I guess that means stay here longer?_ But how did I know the inner workings of a vampire settling into a place? I didn't.

With Victoria keeping on the down low, the pack started relaxing a bit, but the more they relaxed the more Jacob got agitated. We were walking down the beach once when he vented.

"She's not going to stop, she's just working on her strategy, and with us unable to protect you in Forks, now's not a good time to let gaps for her to sneak in!"

Jacob was still my big protector werewolf, but it seemed that the longer we became just friends, the angrier he became, the less stuff he wanted to do together. Even now, with all the downtime he had, all he wants to do is sit and watch movies while before  
we were riding out bikes, jumping off cliffs or hanging out in his garage.

My constant rejections I know hurt him.

Today, I choose to stay home. I don't know if I can deal with another one of Jake's man powered action flicks where everything from the cars to a mailbox gets blown up for no particular reason.

I looked at the date. September 29. It's been over a year since he left and yet it feels like only yesterday he was here, holding my hand and kissing my forehead whenever I said something sarcastic. It was hard.

Happily, for me at least, when I requested to do absolutely nothing on my birthday and get no presents, the only ones who ignored me were my parents. Jacob and the pack knew about what happened on my last birthday and so they understood why I was adamant  
about this, but they still got a massive cake which I could live with.

I was now 19. 2 Years older than _him_.

I sat in the kitchen reading Wuthering Heights again when Charlie came home from fishing. "Hey,Bells!"

I smiled, "Hey, dad? How were the fish?"

"Didn't catch anything, but it was still a good day with Billy. He's out in the car still, we're going to go visit Harry's grave today," suddenly he saw me cooking. "Or we could stay in, if you want?"

I shook my head, "No, you should go see Harry. It'll be good." I sometimes forget that one of my dad's best friends had passed away. He doesn't talk about it very often. "I'll put the leftovers in the fridge and you guys can have it later if you want."

"Thanks, Bells." Charlie quickly went upstairs to change and then left, saying something about leaving handicapped people in a car is not a very law enforcement thing to do. I had to laugh a bit at that.

Shortly after they left I heard a knock on the door, but before I could answer it Jacob had just welcomed himself inside. "Hey-oh, Bella."

"Make yourself at home," I muttered under my breath. "What brings you by?"

Jacob sat down in Charlie's chair and crossed his arms, "I was bored, thought I'd come and kidnap you for the day. I got a new movie."

I looked up at him, "Another movie? What is with this obsession? Planning on being a movie critic or film student?"

He snorted, "Ha-ha-ha." I think he now knew that I was onto him and his plans to keep distance between us. I wasn't going to push it, though.

I stood up and put my plate in the sink, "Just let me get changed, alright? Then we can head to your place."

"Awesome, get me out of bloodsucker territory."

I rolled my eyes and made my way upstairs, stripping down and changing into some more suitable clothes for an outing. While I was in the middle of getting new clothes on I heard the phone ring and yelled towards Jake, "Can you get that?"

Chances are it was work or a friend of Charlie's calling to check up on him. No one ever called for me unless it was Jacob.

I ran downstairs nearly running into Jake on the way. "Who was on the phone?"

He shrugged, "Not sure. Asked if Charlie was here. Told him he was at the grave and then I didn't hear a response afterwards, I think the line died. You ready to go?"

I nodded and we went out to the Rabbit to head down to his place.

To my home away from home.

* * *

 **CARLISLE POV**

I wasn't sure what I had seen with that girl, Isabella Swan. Usually, with my vampire eyes, I can see things other doctors can't and because of my sharp brain and reflexes, I tend not to imagine things.

But this one, I had to have imagined. I'd seen those scars before, all along the body and arms of one of my sons, Jasper. Bites caused by vampires. I thought, I could be wrong, this could be something else, and so just to double check, I placed my hand  
on the scar while I was stitching up her wound.

It was cold to the touch, and I know because the moment my hand made contact with it, it was neutral with my temperature rather than the normal, warm temperature humans are associated with.

After I finished up with Isabella – no, _Bella_ – Swan, I went into my office and started thinking. How would a human have a vampire bite but not be a vampire herself? Nothing I could come up with made any sense. And if she was attacked by a vampire,  
chances are she might know about us, but if she had been attacked by a vampire and knew about us, she would have suspected what I am and yet she was not scared during our meeting.

Bella Swan looked like anyone else who had needed to go to the hospital. Nervous and a little scared about what would need to be done to fix the problem.

I couldn't make sense of this. It was driving me crazy! Not an easy thing to do to a vampire.

But there is one thing I am absolutely certain about. We need to keep an eye on this girl.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

 **EDWARD POV**

How long did it take to run from Denali to Forks? For me it felt like an eternity, the anticipation to wait and see if my one true love was still alive was enough to make time almost stand still. Was I even moving forward? All these trees looked the exact  
same as thoughI had passed them already!

In order to keep up my speed, once I left Alaska and ended up in British Columbia, I went through the forests and mountains on the east side. I would love to take in the sights and smells, as it is one of the most beautiful places I have been to.

If Bella is still alive, maybe we can come here for a vacation.

Doing this was quicker than slowing to a human pace to remain on the west end of the province until I reached Washington.

The closer and closer I got to Forks the more my chest felt like it was pounding, ready to burst out in anticipation and fear. Those "would" questions were still circling in my head on an endless loop but not a single one of them could I come up with  
an answer for.

Bella had to be alive. God was cruel enough to turn me into a monster without a soul, but is he so cruel as to give me love and a mimicry of life only to take her away from me for himself?

I wouldn't want to believe he was like that, if there was even a God.

And if she was dead, how did it happen? Was it an accident in her old and decrepit truck? Did she get mulled in the city like what almost happened in Port Angeles? Did she commit suicide?

That last one caused enough of a jolt and loss of thought that – for the first time ever – I ran into a tree. It toppled over and tilted over four more like dominos. Makes me think of the age-old philosophy question: If a tree falls in the forest and  
no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I hope no one heard that. It didn't take me long before I was back on my feet and running towards Forks again.

Once I was in the forests that stood next to the small town I started to feel something. It was a feeling of _home_. This place, because of Bella,was my home.

And I hope it still was.

Then a scent hit me, slapping me in the face. It was familiar but not too familiar. There was evidence of this person – this vampire – having been here multiple times. Who was it?

The scent grew stronger and I could tell that whoever it was, was coming closer towards me and I crouched in a defensive position, awaiting their arrival. The thoughts were all cusses and annoyance. It was a female. _Wait, a minute… that smell? It's_ him _._ This  
woman thought. I could see an image of me in her mind, standing in the meadow, shielding Bella from them.

Victoria. She was here. But why?

Her thoughts grew louder and louder as she made her way over to where I was. Next thing I knew, we were face to face. Her eyes held so much hatred and anger.

I got out of my crouch, but kept my guard up. "Victoria. It's been a while."

Her teeth snared as she started to growl. "Yes. It _has._ " She didn't need to say anything more out loud, her thoughts told it all to me.

I could see an image of me just outside of Seattle where James had caught up to us. She had been watching as James went in to attack Bella who was standing beside the vehicle we were just in and how I ran in front of him, knocking him as far away as my  
strength could. It hadn't deterred him, James kept coming and coming after Bella before using his own strength to knock me so far away that he was able to get to Bella and bite her arm.

Quickly, I got to him, ripped him off of her and tore is head off and crushed his arms and legs before lighting him on fire.

Then me crouching over Bella, begging and pleading with her how sorry I was before the pointwhere I know I thought of the idea to suck the venom out.

I hadn't known that Victoria was there, watching the whole time, waiting for her turn to come in and help James. Honestly, I thought she ran off like Laurent did, tired of James's antics and wanting a calmer existence. But no, she was there, and she saw  
me kill him. _Him._ Her mate.

"I should tear you limb from limb for what you had done to James," she snarled. "But, I have a better plan."

And then she was gone, faster than I could have believed. I tried to follow her, but with the hesitation I had had, I fell too far behind and lost her just on the border to Montana.

A better plan? What would her better plan be? Since I was the one who killed her mate, shouldn't the best and only plan be murdering me?

And, if Bella really is dead, it's not like I would put up much of a fight.

 _Bella._ I suddenly thought. Would she be so conniving as to think that killing Bella would be sweeter revenge than ending me herself? It would explain why she was around Forks since I haven't been back in over a year and all traces of my scent  
should be washed away by now, what with all the rain and storms.

Has Bella been dealing with Victoria in the area? And if Victoria was after her, then why is Bella not dead?

Or is she dead, and that is how she died? _Murdered._

It wouldn't make sense, Victoria going after Bella and Bella being alive. There was – is – no one in Forks to protect her!

As fast as I could I hightailed it back to Forks, pushing all my strength and my speed into heading to her place. I saw her house, still standing there, not looking any different than it had last time I was here.

The police cruiser was gone but Bella's truck remained in the driveway. I made my way up the familiar tree and into the familiar room I had spent countless nights in. Barely anything had changed here either. A few more books than before, a bit more unorganized,  
and a few pieces of clothing were laying in odd places around the room.

But the part about this place that got me the most was the smell. My imagination and memory did not do it justice. In order for her scent to be this strong she had to be alive! It would have faded over time and it smelled as though she had been only a  
few hours ago.

I dropped to my knees in relief. She was alive. Bella Swan was _alive_. If I could cry tears of joy then I would have. There was a part of me that truly believed she was dead, but here I am, in her room.

I walked over to the side of her bed and saw the book she was reading. Wuthering Heights. She always did have a weak spot for the classics, even the ones where the love story is almost as messed up as ours.

The memories in this room were strong. There was the rocking chair, where I sat and watched her sleep until the days she found out what I was, then I moved over to lay next to her in the bed.

In the bed, she would lean into the side of my body, usually placing a hand on my chest and occasionally her head would liethere, too. I knew I wasn't the most comfortable pillow yet her subconscious preferred it.

I ran my hand down the pillow and sat on her bed.

A small chuckle escaped my lips. I knew if I ever returned I wouldn't be able to leave. Her pull was too strong.

Now, since I knew I was staying, I had to decide on what to do? Can I keep my distance but remain here, only watching her from a distance? No, I can't even do that. I have to talk to her, beg her forgiveness and hope that she still loves me even after  
all the lies I have given her.

That was my only option. I can't live without her.

Should I wait here for her to come home from wherever she is? Should I leave and knock on the door instead? Would it be better if I came later tonight? I had no idea what I was doing. Us getting together and falling in love had happened so suddenly and  
barely without effort but this was going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do (apart from leaving her).

And what if she won't take me back? What if she decides that I am not worth the trouble I have caused, between psychotic vampires (myself and others), a broken heart and God knows what else I may have caused bycoming into her life?

Could I hear her rejecting me? Hear that she moved on and she no longer wanted any part of me or my world? I wouldn't blame her, and I knew I wouldn't fight with her on it, either. If that's what she wanted I would accept it. Accepting it I knew would  
destroy me, though.

Even if she did want me to leave, I would remain close. Victoria was nearby and possibly out for Bella if my mind was working right, plus there is the newborn army in Seattle that keeps stirring trouble more and more.

She needs someone to protect her and there is no on here who can except for me.

It was well into the night and Charlie had come home, yet Bella had not. I started to get a bit agitated waiting for her. It doesn't appear as if Charlie has changed so much;he went into the fridge, grabbed a beer and is now sitting down watching  
an old game on repeat since I assume there isn't a new one on today.

I did my best to focus on Charlie and not my own thoughts. _Wonder when Bells is going to be home, I'm starving. If she's not back in the next hour maybe I'll just order a pizza for us. She's probably tired after spending all day in La Push again._

La Push. That's where she was. Well, there goes my finding her. Even though I wasn't a part of the treaty that Carlisle had created with the werewolves so long ago. After moving hereI ran into one, andafter a small confrontation and me explaining  
my diet and how I was not a danger to the humans, he choose, albeit very begrudgingly, to extend the treaty to myself, as well.

I got the rules explained to me. No going onto their lands. No biting humans. That was the gist of it, and neither of those I had a problem with. I never knew werewolves had existed before and their stench was repulsive. I wouldn't want to go onto a land  
where that smell would permeate the air.

Just then I heard a car pull up and saw a girl with a scarredface dropping Bella off. This girl must be from the reservation. Bella said a quick bye to the girl Emily, and Emily cheerfully waved at her before driving off.

Yup, definitely cannot leave.

Bella opened the door downstairs and I swore my heart would be racing faster than ever if it could beat. Was I doing the right thing being here? I'm not sure if I am able to do this. Can I do this? Be with her again, knowing that a paper cut, or a sliver,  
or tripping that causes blood could cause the same reaction to me as it did last time I saw her?

Can I put her in that kind of danger? No, I couldn't. But I had to be with her.

And I thought Catherine and Heathcliff had a screwed-up love story…

"I think there is still some leftovers in the fridge, I can heat some up for you?" Bella offered.

"Oh, I didn't think about that. Usually we don't have left overs thanks to Jacob," he snorted. _That kid can eat a town dry, I swear._

Jacob? As in Jacob Black? Was Bella dating him?

"Well, he hasn't been over in quite a while here, so for once we have food." She placed the food in the microwave.

Charlie muted the TV and walked over to Bella. I could see her face in his mind. She was still just as beautiful as I remember, although there was something different that I couldn't put a finger on. _How am I going to bring this up? I mean, I don't know if that is what's going on but what if it is? You can do this! You're the dad…_ he  
thought the last part with a groan.

"Listen, Bella. I need to talk to you about something," he hesitated. "I know you're spending all your time with Jacob, and I don't know if the two of you are… _together_ or not and it doesn't matter to me, honestly–"

"Dad, we're–" But Charlie put up his hand and interrupted her.

 _Here it goes,_ "I just want to make sure, if you guys are, being… you know… _intimate_ , that you are taking precautions–"

Bella's eyes went wide and I bit my lip to stop from laughing. She was too cute. "Whoa! Whoa! Dad! No, it's not like that with Jacob. I mean, he wants to… well not _that_ , I mean get together, not _that_ , but I'm still not ready to risk our  
friendship, so you don't have to do this."

Charlie breathed a sigh of relief, _oh thank God…_ "I just wanted to make sure. You're spending so much time there, I thought…" He shook his head. "Never mind."

Bella quickly snagged the food out of the microwave and handed it to Charlie. "I'm going to go upstairs and read. Nice talking to you, dad."

"Yup. Sure thing."

Okay, so her and Jacob weren't together. And I just witnessed the most awkward conversation that I should not have been anywhere in earshot of.

I didn't know if I was ready for this. As her feet went further and further up the stairs I started panicking in fear and excitement all at once, but she went to the bathroom, giving me a couple more minutes of mentally prepare. 

I sat myself back down on the bed and waited.

Suddenly the door opened and there stood Bella in all her perfection. Even Charlie's eyes didn't do her justice. Halfway into the room she saw me and stopped, her heat skipped a heat and she stopped breathing.

I looked at her and let out a deep breath, "Bella?"


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

 **BELLA POV**

 _No. No, it can't be. I'm hallucinating, completely going crazy again._ It has been months since I last heardEdward's voice outside of flashbacks and I was getting pretty proud of that. After Harry's death and my near fatal cliff diving episode  
I promised no more adrenaline course,I still rode my motorcycle with Jacob sometimes,but I knew what I was doing and didn't hear is voice anymore when I was on it.

Since the cliff, I hadn't heard his voice, and though I missed it and craved it, Inever sought out for it.

So, what was I doing now to warrant a physical hallucination of my one true love? Nothing was springing to mind. I spent a day cooking with Emily then came home, had a very awkward conversation with my dad then came up to my room to read or think… no  
adrenaline, nothing life threatening.

"Bella?" He whispered, probably wondering why I haven't said anything. That brought me out of my stupor and I left the room, closing the door behind me and leaning against it, trying my very best to remember how to breathe.

 _When I open this door, he's going to be gone. My mind will reset and realize he is not here._ I nodded and reopened the door but he was still sitting there. On my bed. Looking so nervous he probably aged a few years. My mind snorted at that thought.

Thank God, he can't hear my mind… I came into the room and closed the door behind me, staying faced towards it. I heard him shift a bit on my squeaky bed as he nervously fidgeted. Did vampire's fidget? I thought they had no need for that, it was just  
so they could pretend to be human…

"Bella," Edward called to me again.

I still didn't turn to face him. I probably looked like a nervous wreck. "You're not really there."

"What?" He asked confused.

"You're a figment of my imagination, going wild for some unexplained reason," I said shaking. "Maybe I'm turning schizophrenic."

Edward gave a nervous chuckle, "Well, I don't know about the last part, but I'm not a figment of your imagination."

I closed my eyes. This cannot be happening. I was just starting to get better! Though I knew I could never move on from him, I was starting to think I could at least make it through the motions and trek through life, living off the memories. Why was my  
mind being so cruel to me? Did it _want_ me to go off the deep end? Jump off a cliff, but this time for another reason than recreational?

Slowly, I turned to face him. He was still on my bed, his legs slightly parted with his elbows on his knees leaning forward. My mind before had never done him justice until this point. A perfect renaissance statue right in my room. You'd think over time  
his image would get more and more skewered rather than perfect.

"I'm crazy," I went and sat at my desk chair turning to face him.

He turned and looked at eyes were not completely gold, almost bordering on needing to hunt soon but not quite there yet. They also held a look of guilt, pleading, longing, pain, anxiety and… love.

Yup, he's not real. All the other stuff, fine, but _love_?! He told me he didn't love me, which by all accounts makes more sense since he's a Greek God and I'm… well, just me.

He nodded, "Okay, what makes you think I'm not really here?"

"You left. I see no reason why you would return – well, be in my room, at least. I guess there are other reasons you would be here…"

He raised an eyebrow, "Such as?"

"You're a part of my mind, you should know."

"Humor me." He said. It sounded like he was having a bit of fun a part from the nervous tension in his body. I shook my head. I shouldn't be encouraging this. "I'm not in your mind, Bella. I'm here. I'm really, truly _here_."

There was a part of me that wanted to believe it, wanted to know that he was right here in front of me justan arm's length away totouch. No, I wouldn't try to touch him, if I did, it would either confirm or deny that he was here and I don't  
know which one I would be more upset by.

"Okay," I said, breathing slowly. "If you _are_ really here, why? What brought you back?"

That looked like a question he was not ready for. Edward flinched back and looked away from my face, down to my entwined hands as they fidgeted.

He took a deep breath, "I just came to check on you. I heard about what was going on in Seattle, and honestly with your track record, I thought the chances of it finding you or you finding it were pretty substantial. Your ability to attract dangerous  
things is actually quite impressive. Anyway, once I heard about it,I called the house here, just hoping to hear either your voice or hearthat you were alive by some acknowledgement from Charlie. I'm sure if I heard that, then I could have  
put the phone away and gone back to… well, it's not important what I was doing.

"But it wasn't you or Charlie who answered. I didn't know who it was but when I asked if Charlie was there,the man said he was at a grave."

I blinked, that was the day Jacob answered the phone before we went over to his place. Was my mind starting to make stuff up to believe he cared. An unimportant phone call turns into one of _the_ most important?

"At first all my mind could think of was that it was your grave. It took me a while to convince myself that it didn't have to be had friends and colleagueswho might have died from heart attacks, accidental gunshot wounds, car  
accidents… so, I rushed over here. I thought, if I could just see you, see you were alive and not buried ten-feet under…"

He put his head in his hands, "You have no idea how… _happy_ I am, to see you are alive. These past couple days have been driving me mad, not knowing whether you were alive or dead…"

I shook my head, "I'm alive, you can see that. You probably heard that when I pulled in. Why are you _still_ here?" I just wanted this to be over. Even for my mind, as torturous as it is for me, this was a new low.

He looked back at me, "You believe I'm really here now?"

"No," I denied. "But, I think it's best to play along for now. Until it becomes too much."

His eyebrows wrinkled in together. "Too much? What do you mean?"

"When the pain of this becomes too much, or if I actually start believing you're really here."

"I am really here, Bella." He stood up and came over to me, looking as though he was about to touch me but I still wasn't ready for the confirmation yet.

"Don't." His hand was only a couple of inches away from my face before he stopped and withdrew. "Just… don't."

Edward knelt onto his knees in front of me, and I was towering over him while in the chair. We sat like that in silence for what felt like hours. The hole in my chest wasn't ripping open in agony as it normally did when my thoughts went too far. Maybe  
it was believing that he _was_ here and that all the pain could now stop. But my mind couldn't hold the same confidence.

"I'm still here… well, because…" he was at a loss for words. That was strange. Edward normally was very good with his vocal dictation and rarely had to think on what to say, especially after I found out he was a vampire. He closed his eyes and put his  
hands by his mouth, breathing softly. He had never looked more human, more vulnerable before.

I longed to reach out and hold his hand and tell him to just let it out, but my hands remained frozen on my lap.

He dropped his hands, looked me deep in the eyes, and like a water faucet he just poured it out. "I'm still here because after seeing this place, reliving the memories more vividly than when I was away, seeing your face, hearing your voice, being frustrated  
that I _still_ can't read your mind, I realized that I _can't_ leave. All my willpower to jump out that window and run as far from here as I can, is gone. I know what I need, what I've always needed, and that's you. It's always been you.  
I made a colossal mistake when I left, and the only hope I have is that you have not been going through the same pain I have with this separation and that you can forgive me. Forgive me for a rash decision because I was afraid. Forgive me for not  
thinking about what you would have wanted. Forgive me for… everything."

His head dropped into his hands again and I knew if he was capable of crying, he would be.

These were the words. These are the words I have wanted to hear for over a year now. All of them, except for one.

If this was really him, then what it was is guilt. He felt so bad for leaving the way he did it was eating him up inside and he needed to come here to ask my forgiveness and try to leave again under better circumstances. Edward always did have a massive  
guilt complex if I remember correctly.

Now was the time. I needed to know. Was this my imagination, or was this real? I reached out towards him, and grabbed his wrist, trying to pull it away from his face.

It was really him. He was really, truly here. In my room. With me. "Crying" for forgiveness for the way he ended things. I never thought I would ever see him again, but this was _him_.

How I longed to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, telling him that I forgive him and we can start where we left off. That I loved him with all my heart and I wasn't complete without him.

That last part was not why he was here. He never said he loved me in that long speech, he only asked for forgiveness. Can I give that to him? Forgive him for the pain I've been going through since he left? Would that change anything for either of us?  
Probably not me, seeing as how I am still hopelessly and depressingly in love with him, but for him?

Would knowing I forgive him help him move on with his life? Help him reach out and find someone new to be with forever? Another vampire, or another human he wouldn't mind actually changing? Can I give him that?

Based on his reaction, I am the one capable of giving him that freedom. And in all honesty, why should both of us suffer? If one of us had a chance to be happy and move on from what we had they should be given it.

"Edward," I continued to pull at his wrist until his head came up. "I forgive you. You don't have to feel bad about the way you left, honestly the same thing would have happened no matter how you did it. I'm the clingy human, after all. I'm not upset  
that we were together, they were the best months of my life and I wouldn't trade that for anything. That doesn't mean you should let any guilt rule _your_ life. You have way too long of an existence to hold onto this. I mean, I do kind of wish  
you would have just ended it when you stopped loving me in the first place instead of feeling obliged to be with me because of whatever reason."

He placed my hands between his and leaned in closer to me. "Wait what? You think I was only with you because I felt _obligated?_ "

"Didn't you?" I asked. This conversation was starting to become very painful.

"No! Bella, no! I was with you because I loved you." The past tense didn't escape me. "And I want to be with you again because I do love you. I never stopped."

That took me a back, "But what you said… in the forest…"

"Was a lie. Once you said those words, questioning whether I loved you, I went along with it, for a brief moment because I thought it would be easier for you to move on. It did kind of sting, that you thought that so quickly."

 _What are you saying? Are you saying you don't… you don't…_ love _me?_ I remembered my words clearly.

"I thought it would kill me to have to do it, that it would take hours to convince you that I needed to leave because I was too dangerous for you, but then you said those words, asked that question, and I thought that it would speed things up," He closed  
his eyes and put his face by our hands. "It was wrong of me to do. Completely wrong. And to know you truly believed it… that there was any way I could exist without needing you, or loving you."

Hearing that, I pulled my hands away from him and stood up. Edward looked at me a bit shocked and suddenly I felt angry. Full blown, monster angry. "Are you kidding me?!"

"Bella–"

I interrupted him. "Do you have any idea or concept as to what I've been through since you left? What you leaving did to me? I've been in so much _pain_ , practically holding myself together because I feel this huge hole in my chest that won't go  
away. Anytime I watch a movie, or listen to a song or see others behaving all in love, I need to wrap my arms around my chest and hold myself together to keep from falling apart. I was catatonic for a week before they were going to ship me off to  
Jacksonville to live with my mom, then I threw a fit about leaving and was just going through the motions afterwards for Charlie's sake.

"I found a good friend who's managed to help pick me up and make me at least start being more than just a walking corpse but the pain and the hold are always going to be there, no matter what. Not to mention, our old friend Victoria's been around trying  
to kill me because of our relationship and the werewolves in La Push–" he flinched when I said that "–have barely been sleeping for months now trying to protect me from her, and in all this time I'm spending so much time in La Push because it's easier  
for me to be protected but while I'm there, I'm giving Jacob so many mixed messages about what I want from him, and every time I see him I'm breaking his heart again and again because he wants more and I can't give it to him because I'm… because I'm…

"Because I'm still completely and irrationally in love with you," at this point I was crying, "and I owe it to Jacob for him not to be a rebound or the guy I'm using to get over the last one. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to _me_ that I have  
to go through this."

He started walking over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders but I shook him away. "Don't, just don't. I want you to leave. I could forgive you if you hadn't lied to me just to make leaving me easier. Leaving someone you love shouldn't be easy and  
the fact you thought that that was best… just go."

Edward's arms dropped and he looked at me with so much pain. I practically screamed at him to go and the next thing I knew I was alone, the curtains by my window blowing from his escape route.

I sank down against the wall and completely broke down.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

 **CARLISLE POV**

The hospital got a worried call from the chief of police's residence. Everyone was up in arms about it, and the ones who weren't worried were the ones gossiping and complaining.

The doctor who was assigned to go to the Swan house was one of those who did not sound very concerned about what was going on. "She just had another breakdown. Jesus, that daughter of the chief's is nothing but a mental wreck." There was no compassion in his voice.

From what I gathered, Bella Swan had a nervous breakdown and won't speak. This happened last year near the start of the month and people are thinking it's a relapse. I went over to Dr. Gerandy and placed a hand on his shoulder. The cold touch usually was good for convincing people to see things my way as it unnerved them.

"If you're not up for going to look at Bella Swan, why don't I volunteer instead?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

I gave him as warm of a smile as I could, "Maybe someone with a non-biased opinion can help the girl with what is going on."

It didn't take long after that for me to get the paperwork to head over and see the chief's daughter. I had seen her once before when she accidentally cut her hand open last month, and she had that vampire scar on her arm I still can't explain.

As I pulled up to the house I could hear the sound of someone pacing. Probably Charlie Swan, worrying about his daughter. I quickly gathered my supplies together and knocked on the door.

Charlie opened the door, seeming very shocked to see me. "Dr. Cullen. I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you. Dr. Gerandy…"

"Something came up and I ended up being assigned to come look at Isabella," he let me into the house as I hung up my jacket.

"Bella. She's upstairs." Without hesitation, we worked our way upstairs and to her room. "In here." He opened the door.

I saw Bella laying on her bed, a light quilt covering her which she held very tightly. Her heartbeat was pounding at a strangely slow rate. "Do you know what happened?" I asked as I watched her from the door, not wanting to do anything sudden until I knew what to expect.

"No, I heard her practically screaming up here. It was like she was arguing with someone then I came up to check on her and she was just by the wall sobbing her eyes out. I didn't find anyone else up here."

I decided to take a breath, to try and smell if anyone else had been in here and someone had. _A vampire._ A vampire who left her alive. I made my way over to her. She wasn't in a transition stage so the vampire hadn't bitten her. What would he or she have been doing in here, arguing with a human?

"Charlie, why don't you go downstairs and I'll see what I can do to help your daughter? I'll call you if I need you." Charlie nodded and left the room, muttering to himself his worries and pleas.

This was hard on him, seeing his only daughter in a state like this. I walked over to her and knelt beside her bed where she could see me. "Hi, Bella. It's good to see you again." I got no response from her. Her eyes were closed and brows creased together as if in pain. "Can I ask what happened?"

She shook her head, moving her face into her bed as if to hide.

"I'm just going to need to take your blood pressure, okay?" I didn't really need to take it, but I hoped me trying to be here more as a doctor (which I was) rather than a therapist (which I was trained for, but wasn't) would help calm her down some. "Your dad said he heard you yelling, almost like you were arguing with someone? Was there someone here?"

She gave a slight nod, almost instinctively like she didn't mean to. If I wasn't a vampire I might not have noticed the movement. "Who was it?"

She shook her head again very rapidly and tried to hide even deeper into the bed then before. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask so many questions."

But questions did I have. That vampire smell permeated the air like a fragrance and I had to wonder if it was a vampire she got into an argument with. If so, this girl was either brave or had no sense of self-preservation.

Her blood pressure came back normal, luckily.

"I'm just going to go talk to your father. I'll be right back, okay?" I got no response from her, so I just left and met her dad who was standing in the kitchen.

He looked up at me, "Want anything to drink, Dr. Cullen?"

"No, thank you, Chief. Please, call me Carlisle." I walked over to him. "So, her blood pressure is good, no signs of anything wrong there but she does appear to be in distress. I heard at the hospital before I came here that something very similar had happened before? Do you mind if I ask what happened last time?"

"Could it be related?" Charlie asked.

I shrugged, "I won't know until I have the details."

Charlie snorted, "I highly doubt it, but here it goes. When Bella first moved here the spring before last she fell in love with this kid in her class. And I mean _in love_. It was… terrifying, to see her so entranced by a guy at her age. He lived on his own here practically, is parents travelled a lot. Last year, just after her birthday, Edward got a call from his parents. They settled into a place and wanted him to move in with them permanently. He was still 17 I believe so he didn't have much of a choice and he left.

"Him leaving nearly destroyed Bella. She was catatonic for a week and was just going through the motions until I think January or February."

That name Edward hit me hard. Could it be _him?_ Now was not the time to delve into whether this Edward that Charlie was talking about was my long-lost son or not.

"What happened that changed that?"

Charlie smiled at the thought, "An old family friend, Jacob Black. He lives down in La Push. She's been spending all her time down there with him ever since, and she was getting better. Everyone once in a while, I would see more and more of a spark in her eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time."

"Has anything changed recently with that?" I asked.

He just shook his head, "No. I just talked to her earlier today and she was her regular self. I have no idea what happened, that's why I'm so scared."

I nodded my head, "May I ask, what was the full name of this Edward she went out with?"

Through clenched teeth, Charlie said, "Edward Masen."

Trying not to let the shock of the name get to me in front of him, I quickly went to go see about talking to Bella again. Charlie gave me all the information I needed to know that, chances are, Bella knew about vampires, and without a doubt was at least in love with one.

A human being in love with a vampire is dangerous, but not uncommon, however; a vampire being in love with a human was another story. If this was just a case of her falling for him from a distance, she wouldn't be so strung up over this. She would move on and find someone new to be with, like this Jacob Black. But to me, it seemed like a mutual love story, and if that's the case, then why did Edward leave Bella?

Was Edward only now starting to get off the human diet and being around her was too much temptation? I could see that. Or was it, he's still on the human diet and doesn't want to give it up, even for Bella? I didn't want to think of that being the reason. I don't want Edward to still be so lost in the monster he refuses to find happiness.

When I went back up to Bella's room she was sitting up, her legs bent in and she was leaning against them. She looked up at me as I entered. "Oh, good, you're up." I closed the door behind me and went over to her, feeling her head. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

She shrugged, "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" I questioned. "You scared your dad quite a bit."

"I… I didn't mean to do that…" Bella's head moved to stare down at her knees.

I went over and felt her head. She didn't have a fever and her heartrate sounded like it went back up to normal. I went and sat next to her on the bed, "I just talked with your dad and he told me about what you've been going through the last year. May I ask, have you ever thought about getting professional help?"

She looked at me stunned then defeated, "I can't do that."

"Why not?" I asked.

Bella seemed unsure as to whether to answer or not. Her heartbeat quickened and her breath caught a bit. "There are just some things I can't talk about. Defeats the point of therapy when you have to keep secrets, doesn't it?" I nodded, yes that was the case. If a therapist felt it was relevant, they can only do their job as long as the other person made themselves completely open to the process. "But I do have a friend to talk to, and I do, when I can."

"I'm just wondering, given this recent event, if maybe that's not enough?" I asked. She didn't answer. The thought that the one safe haven person she knew wasn't enough to help probably scared her. "I have an idea, and I wonder if you'll be open to it."

"Please don't say a psych ward…" she muttered. I laughed a bit at that.

"No, nothing like that," I took a deep breath. I hoped my suspicions were correct, and while she was with Edward, he told her what he was. "Would you consider talking to me about it? I can promise, there is nothing you would need to keep secret from me."

Bella was silent, and I hoped it meant she was seriously contemplating my offer.

"If you decide to, here is my home number," I wrote my number down on a piece of paper in my notebook, ripping it off and leaving it on the bed next to her. "If I don't pick up, my wife will and relay it to me. I just want you to know that no matter what secrets you have to keep, there is always someone else out there who know it as well. And maybe those people are the ones you need to look at to talk to."

I patted her on the shoulder and left the room, closing the door behind me. I hoped she would call, a girl like that, keeping secrets like ours and having no one to talk to when it was all crumbling down around her.

There wasn't much I knew or understood about Isabella Swan, but I did know that I needed to help her.

* * *

 **BELLA POV**

After Dr. Cullen left, I grabbed the piece of paper he left behind. I wonder if he suspects that I know about vampires and werewolves? All his cryptic comments about secrets made me think he did, but how would he know?

Was he a mind reader like Edward, but one that _could_ access my head? That thought was terrifying, but I remembered a conversation I had with Edward.

We were driving back from Port Angeles after he saved me from a group of guys and I had just guessed his vampire secret, I asked him, "Are there other vampires who can read minds?"

He had shaken his head, "No. No I'm the only one that I know of."

If Dr. Cullen could read minds, Edward would have known about that since they lived together for a while, so scratch that.

I guess it doesn't matter how he knows, just that he does, or at least's suspects I know something. Maybe the two of us were just playing a game of cat and mouse, knowing the secret but not wanting to let the other person know even though you knew that they knew.

That thought hurt my head.

I looked at the sheet of paper, the words _Dr. Carlisle Cullen_ and his phone number sprawled underneath. Would talking to him be so bad? I know I have Jacob, but he wasn't someone I could talk to about how Edward leaving me was the hardest thing I've been through, and what he had just said to me when he was here… that he lied! If I told Jake any of this, he would get mad, uproot a small tree or punch a rock before trying to chase after him.

Talking with Dr. Cullen would probably be more therapeutic. Calmer. Yes, I would do it, even if it was just to get a bit of my sanity back.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

 **EDWARD POV**

I didn't go very far. I knew this cliff on the south end of Forks that I liked to go to. It overlooked the forest and was a good vantage point when hunting. But I wasn't hunting today.

How could I have messed up so badly? Screwed everything up? And more importantly, how could I have thought that by begging and pleading I can erase a whole year's worth of pain I have inflicted?

Everything she told me about what's been going on: the pain, the heartache, the _werewolves!_ Of course, Bella would be dragged to the werewolf world. I've told her anything dangerous would inevitably find her… But that does explain why Victoria hadn't managed to get her hands on Bella. I was wrong when I said no one was protecting her.

But did it have to be werewolves? I don't know much about the species besides my one encounter, but everything about him put me on edge and I didn't trust it. Yet, they were the ones risking their life for Bella while I hid in Canada and Alaska.

The sky from the day turned into twilight before I heard a rustling of someone behind me. _It's been a while, Edward._

I smiled, "It has. I didn't know you were in the area." I turned around and saw Carlisle leaning against a tree facing me.

"We settled in a couple months ago," Carlisle walked over towards me and sat down, his fee dangling off the edge of cliff just like mine. "I caught your scent and followed you."

I didn't know what to say. How long as it been since I've seen this man? I knew the exact year – 1927. I pressed a man who tried to rape a girl against the wall and was all ready to start drinking his blood but Carlisle had caught up to me, telling me that this wasn't the way we were. Instead of listening to him, I told him off, yelling at him for denying me my rightful food source.

I had to leave him after that. He couldn't be around someone who drank human blood.

"What brings you here?" Carlisle asked.

I shrugged, "This and that I guess." I couldn't very well tell him the reason, at least not yet. If Bella truly wanted nothing to do with me, I shouldn't try to inflict more vampires on her. "What have you been up to?"

Carlisle smiled, "Same as always: working in a hospital, moving around, hunting. Not much else to do in this life is there?" _Golden eyes… that's good._

"Yes, I am back on the vegetarian diet," I replied to his thoughts. "Not as hard to do as I thought it was."

 _When did you start again?_ He asked.

I looked down the cliff, not eager to explain this, "Around 1934."

 _So long… on your own?_

"Yes."

 _Why did you not return to us? You know you could have?_

I had an answer I gave myself multiple times. It was the same answer I gave Bella when she wondered the same thing. The answer: I didn't want to interfere with the life I saw them living. It wasn't fair for them to have to deal with me after what I had done.

The truth: "I don't know." I turned towards him and saw Carlisle staring at me, looking happy, relieved, sad and so much more. Carlisle reached out and pulled me to his chest, hugging me.

I wrapped my arms around him.

"We missed you, Edward. We missed you so much."

I nodded, I couldn't form the words to reply.

 _Now comes the hard part,_ I leaned away from him and gave him a confused look. "There is no easy way to talk about this, and I know you might not want to talk about it with me, but I feel that it's important."

"About what?" Then it hit me in his mind, an image of Bella curled in a ball on her bed, shaking. She looked to be in so much pain, I turned away from Carlisle, hoping to make the images stop but they didn't.

Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder, "I need to know what's going on."

Then he replayed a conversation he had with Chief Swan, about our relationship and how Bella was after I left. I couldn't believe it, "She was getting better… then I had to come back." I threw my head into my hands in despair.

What is _wrong_ with me?! Why did I only ever have to hurt Bella? Wasn't loving someone supposed to mean that you would do whatever you could for their happiness?

I knew me leaving wasn't, and I thought maybe me being back would fix that, but instead, it just put her in more pain.

"I know their end of things but I want to know yours," _so I can help her._

This is where I got defensive. I know if I had done things right decades ago I would have returned to Carlisle and Esme and been with them for all these years but I didn't. And no matter how much I missed them this was something between Bella and I; Carlisle getting involved was starting to be too much.

He didn't need to feel involved just because he was the one who turned me and felt responsible for me.

I got up. "It's not your business."

"It is, Edward," he grabbed my hand. "It is because she knows about vampires, right? I'd be extremely surprised if she didn't. Because of that she has so many secrets to keep that she can't get help for the pain she's going through, so yes, it is my business as the only person around here who she can talk to."

"You don't have to pick up my mistakes, my messes–"

"You think of Bella as a mistake?" His words cut me deep and I flinched back at that.

I shook my head, "No… that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

I crossed my arms and tried to think, "I shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place, that was my mistake, but I did. I don't regret it… but at the same time I do, because me getting involved has led to her life basically being uprooted and changed and she didn't deserve that, not for an instant. That was the mistake and it's my job to fix it but I don't know how to!" Carlisle reached out and grabbed my shoulders, trying to get me to look at him but I refused, just like a stubborn child.

"There isn't any shame in asking for help, Edward."

"Why do you even care? What is Bella to you anyway?"

Carlisle dropped his hands, and I could see his face looking a bit hopeful, "What she is to me is the fact that she is someone to you. I know we haven't seen each other in a very long time but that does not mean I stopped caring about you, and if there is something that we can do to help then let us. I don't know what led to you having to leave Bella Swan but from what I gathered between you two, it had to have been something big. Maybe it can be fixed, maybe it can't, but how can we know unless you guys open up.

"I'm going to do what I can to help Bella. Mostly for her but also for you. I know you don't like seeing her in pain like this."

I shook my head, "I never wanted to hurt her. I love her."

Carlisle placed his hand on my cheek, "I know. She loves you, too. I'm going to open up my offer to you as well. You need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'm sure you can even talk to Esme, if you wanted to."

"I don't want to interfere in your life, Carlisle. I've been out of it long enough."

He laughed, "But not long enough for it to matter to me." He patted me on the shoulder. _Just think about it, we live just outside of town if you ever want to stop by. I'll leave it up to you if you want to._

Then Carlisle left, leaving me alone again.

* * *

I walked back to my old cabin. It was on the south side of Forks, about a 5-minute walk at human pace from the strip where I had parked my car when I was here. I found it by accident while I was hunting. It was old and falling apart and I decided to make a project out of restoring it.

After it was all fixed up, that was when I decided to settle here for a while, get a bit of grounding.

I opened up the door, creaking from its lack of use in the last year and saw my old place. There wasn't much to it. I bought a couch and built some bookcases that filled two full walls. On them were a mixture of books and CDs that I have collected over time. Before, what I had done, was put them in a storage unit until I decided to settle someplace, then I'd move them there.

There wasn't much for personal belongings I cared about, but these I did. I started collecting music in the 1940s, my biggest years were then and the 50s. Bella used to love coming here, putting an old vinyl on the record player and let the music fill the air.

"You can almost escape here," Bella had said. I sat down on the couch and remembered everything, how we would just lay here as she read a book or we'd watch a movie on my laptop. Occasionally, when I would have a relapse of judgement we'd have a bit of a classic teen movie make-out session before I realized we were going too far for my control.

She had only slept over once, and Charlie's reaction had been not so pleasant. I had told him we were watching a movie and she fell as asleep so I didn't want to wake her, but in his mind, that was a lie. He thought we were having sex and his friendly demeanour had changed afterwards. Bella would constantly roll her eyes, mutter about his overreacting.

I promised her I would wake her up from now on so that wouldn't happen again, though she said she didn't mind. _We_ knew we weren't doing that.

Not that I didn't want to…

I shook that thought out of my head. Last time I saw her, she was screaming at me to leave, not to kiss or… other things.

It felt good to be here, and I haven't felt as close to being like myself until I was here, near Bella, in this cabin. I know Bella needed time to cool off and think about what I said, and maybe it will take a couple more conversations for things to fall back into place if they ever would in the first place. Who knows, maybe her talking to Carlisle might be what she needed as well.

 _Carlisle_ … out of any time for him to settle here with his family. Was it like the supernatural world centered around Forks? Me, the werewolves, a family of vampires, Victoria… Everything just crashed around here.

So, with all this going on, why was I happy? Why was I feeling like I was on top of the world and had everything? I didn't have Bella, she screamed at me to leave. I wasn't apart of Carlisle's family.

Having seen both of them in such a short span of time though, I think, gave me hope.

I don't know where this is going on either part, but now more than ever, I knew I couldn't leave. I can't live without Bella and with Victoria around, I need to protect her. And I'm sure if I left, I would be hurting Carlisle all over again, and Esme, too, if he told her.

I went up and put in a CD, a copy of the one I gave Bella for her 18th birthday. Her lullaby filled the air and I closed my eyes. I could see her face: her eyes how they sparkled every time she looked at me, her lips how they parted when I got too close, her cheeks how they blushed a scarlet red whenever she got embarrassed.

This was all so confusing. I flopped down on the couch again and covered my eyes with my arms.

Regarding both Bella and Carlisle, I didn't know what to do, or even what the right thing is.

Is that something I can figure out on my own?


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

 **BELLA POV**

Charlie wasn't giving me too hard of a time about my breakdown. He didn't ask too many questions, but his eyes were keener than ever. It had only taken me a day to get out of my bed and start trying to get back to normal rather than the week and threat like before.

I was glad he hadn't called Jacob and told him. Knowing Jake, he would run over here and start freaking out and that was the last thing I needed. I didn't know if I even _wanted_ him to know about what happened and the idea of just letting it fade as a distant, non-important event was very tempting.

Since Jake was my only confidant, I felt like I needed to tell him about Edward's visit, but I knew the moment I did he would wolf-out and hunt him down.

Despite how mad I was at Edward, I didn't want that. If what Edward told me was true and he really did love me as much as he said he does he might still be in the area, and I don't want a confrontation between my ex-vampire-boyfriend and my current werewolf-friend.

And since I knew I needed to talk to someone, I decided to take Dr. Cullen up on his offer. After calling him at his home, which thankfully he answered, we decided to have one-hour sessions once a week at the hospital after his shift. I offered to pay him, but he could not have turned that down fast enough, siting that he could use the training for his studies.

I'm about 98 percent certain that that was just a cop-out excuse.

I had my first session tonight, and truth be told, I was nervous. I hadn't told anyone, even Charlie, and I didn't plan to unless it went well. I was a fidgeting wreck, cleaning areas of the house that were already clean, doing laundry when I didn't even have a full load, and when I decided to read a book, I read the same passages over and over again.

I've never been in therapy before, and I had no idea what to expect.

Jacob tried to get me to come to La Push today, but I wasn't up for it. Since there was no new news or sightings of Victoria I chose to take the day and be by myself.

Also, I knew if I was around Jacob, I might blab that I was about to have a private therapy session with a vampire. That would not go over well.

6 o'clock rolled around, so I got ready and headed out to the hospital. All my nerves and emotions were circling and wrapping in on each other and it felt like something was about to burst inside of me.

Carlisle told me just to wait in the waiting room and he would come and get me when he was ready. I wasn't waiting long before I saw him walk down the hallway and he smiled at me. "Hello, Bella. Glad you could make it. You ready?"

"I'm not sure," I said a bit shakenly. He led me to his office, a bright, white room with medical books and posters covering most of the walls. He sat down behind his desk and I took one of the leather chairs in front.

He let us sit in silence for a moment before saying anything, "I just want us to be able to do this without any barriers, does that sound fair?"

I nodded.

"I know you know about vampires, so if there is anything you need to say that relates to them, you don't have to hesitate or be scared. I am not a vampire to be scared of, which I assume you're not given that you are here."

I nodded again. "I know by your eyes. They're gold. And in order to be a doctor you have to have really good control."

"What do you know about vampires with my eye color? Or in general?" He asked.

I could tell her was just trying to get a conversation started, and I appreciated it. I had no idea where to even start on my own. "You only drink from the blood of animals. If you drank human blood, they'd be red. Vampires can run very fast and are extremely strong. Don't age. Pale, cold skin…"

Was this the information he was asking about? Of course, he knew all of this, already…

"I'm rambling. Sorry I'm nervous," I admitted.

"That's good," Carlisle admitted. "Talking, even about trivial things is a good place to start. It can lead to other topics which is where we want to go with this."

I crossed my legs on the chair, "Have you done this before? Therapy, I mean?"

He nodded, "I have about 3 degrees in it, though, for the story I have while living here, I am training to become one as side training. I'm not quite 'old enough' to already have full training in the field."

That did makes sense, best to keep out questions by not being _too_ good at everything at a young age.

"Are you in school right now, Bella?"

I shook my head, "I'm taking a year off. Gives me a chance to save more and figure out what I want to do."

Carlisle looked at me, not buying my excuses for a second.

"And also… Jacob."

"Jacob? Jacob Black, right?" Carlisle starting writing something down. I assume this is the point in our session where we get to what's going on with me, I mean, he wasn't writing notes before.

I nodded, "He's an old family friend and he's been helping me. A lot."

"What is it you two usually do?"

I shrugged my shoulder, "This and that. We go for walks like walking down the beach or hiking. He's good with mechanics, so we hang out in his garage while he works on stuff. Sometimes we ride our motorcycles."

"Motorcycles?" Carlisle asked with a raised eyebrow. I guess little-old me didn't look like the motorcycle type.

"Yup, but not so much anymore. A lot's been going on, so recently, when he's not… _working_ ," I guess that's the word to use, "we've been watching movies. A whole lot of them."

"Your father was telling me that since around January of February you've been spending most of your time with him on the reservation."

"I guess. I was in pretty bad shape before, Jake's really helped with getting me back to my old self, I think."

Dr. Cullen kept put the pen down and his fingers intertwined, his elbows on the desk, "Why do you think things may have been changing between the two of you recently?"

I didn't want to answer that, having Dr. Cullen know I'm basically just someone who uses her friends, "He's been busy."

"Bella, I need complete honesty in this if it's going to work. Are you sure that is all?"

I hesitated, not knowing what to say. How does one explain that things are changing because you can't get over your vampire boyfriend, and your werewolf best friend has been fighting to start a relationship with you? But the idea of doing so is so scary that it almost causes a panic attack?

"If you're not ready, we can come back to that one?" I nodded at him. I wasn't ready for that yet, not when I still find it hard to even talk to Jake about it. Our hour was almost up, and I felt myself getting a bit relieved. Dr. Cullen started writing some more things down and stared at the clock. "Well, our time is almost up, Bella. I think I have a plan on how to go through this in the easiest way."

"How so?" I asked.

"Well," he continued. "I've been testing the waters on your reactions, seeing how you respond to different ways on moving the conversation, and from what I've gathered you're best going in a linear format. So, I think if we find out where the beginning is, we can start there and work our way forward at a pace you're comfortable with. How does that sound?"

"I think that sounds pretty good," I smiled. From the beginning… where was the beginning? Was it when I was living in Phoenix and my life there? Was it when I first moved to Forks? Was it when I first found out Edward was a vampire? Where was the start of it all for me?

Dr. Cullen stood up and walked over to the other side of the desk leaning on it, "I can tell there are a lot of things going on, and hopefully this will make it easier to talk about. Would same time next week be good for you?"

I nodded, "I got nothing else to do."

* * *

After I left the hospital, I went home to shower (get rid of the vampire smell) before heading out to La Push for the evening. I didn't plan on going down there today, but after talking about Jacob so much with Dr. Cullen, I felt like I needed to see him. When I called asking he was all eager, saying he just got off a day shift of patrolling so was free for the evening and night if I wanted to sleep over.

Chances are I wasn't going to. Too many mixed messages in that.

I pulled up in front of the familiar red house and Jacob ran out to greet me. "Hey, Bells!" He lifted me up in a hug.

"Hey, big guy," I responded, trying to breath.

Jacob sniffed me a bit like he smelled something bad. I guess the shower didn't work. "Why do you smell like a vampire?"

 _Damn_ , I wasn't ready for this conversation, "I just had to go to the hospital and Dr. Cullen was the one helping me. It's not big deal."

"Wait what happened?" He asked all panicking. We started making our way over to his garage, but Jacob was more focused on checking me out for any braces or casts or stitches.

"Nothing big, just a check. Don't worry about it," I lied.

Jacob sighed, "Stupid bloodsuckers."

I smacked his arm, hurting my wrist a bit at the impact, "Be nice. He's not that bad."

"Yeah, except for the fact he drinks blood and his existence kind of goes against nature." We were in front of the garage at that point and I stopped and stared at him. He hadn't realized I wasn't behind him until the door was open and he was half inside. "What?"

"That's the pot calling the kettle, don't you think?" I crossed my arms. "Vampires. Werewolves. Two different types of supernatural creatures, but still part of the same world."

Jacob came out towards me, looking a bit angry, "Are you seriously defending the existence of vampires."

"Of course I am," I practically screamed, "just like how I would defend the existence of werewolves, too, if that conversation ever arose."

His hands started shaking, "I thought you hated those _leeches_ just like the rest of us!"

"I hate Victoria. I'm angry at Edward–" I winced, "– but I don't hate him. The vampires that try to be good by drinking animal blood aren't the type to hate, Jacob. Just like how I was angry at you guys when I thought you were the ones killing people, but I stopped being angry once I knew you didn't. That's the difference. It's what's in your guys' hearts I care about, not your _species_."

Jake and I had never had a real argument about this before. It's not like there were vampires in my life for me to defend against him. The only one was Victoria, and I agreed on the things they said about her since she was murdering others and trying to kill me.

But I felt like I had to defend Dr. Cullen, because he's done nothing but try to help me since I first met him, and he didn't deserve to be treated like Victoria.

He turned away from me, trying to calm himself. This was hard on him, and I wonder if he thinks I'm choosing the vampires over him.

"You should go, Bella. I have stuff to do."

"But, Jake–"

"Go away, Bella." Jacob disappeared into the garage, closing the door and leaving me outside. I stared at it for a few seconds astounded before turning back and headed to my truck.

As I put the car in reverse and backed out onto the road I started thinking, _what have I done?_


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

 **JACOB POV**

Working on tuning up my motorcycle was not helping my mind away from my fight with Bella. I don't know if I overreacted or not, but I was still too angry to think I had.

I mean, he was a _vampire!_ Every vampire who has come into her life has tried to kill or her messed her up completely. As soon as other vampires come into town, of course she would draw towards them.

But then there was me, who, since she pulled up with her truck and the bikes, has always been there for her. I mean, yes there was those couple weeks where I couldn't be, but I fought with Sam tooth and nail (both verbally and physically) to try to keep my promise to her.

I threw my wrench down and ran outside, ripping my clothes as I turned into a wolf and ran into the woods behind my house.

I could hear Paul, Brady, Seth and Sam all patrolling, none of them had caught any whiff of the redhead yet, just like the last long while.

 _Hey Jake, you're supposed to be off for the night. Get some sleep, geez. Overachiever,_ Seth complained.

Then my conversation with Bella started going through my head, kind of as my way of explaining that I needed to be doing something right now, _so lay off guys!_

 _Fine, if you want a distraction so much, Seth and Jacob, you two take the south end and check out around there. Paul, Brady, you're with me, we'll go north._

We all split off into our two teams, Seth found me, coming from behind and once he caught up, challenged me. _Race yeah,_ and sped off. I quickly caught up to him. I was one of the faster ones in the pack making it quite easy, and though I have lost to Embry in races, Seth had yet to beat me, and tonight was no different. _Man, you could let me win at least once, you know._

I snorted, _then you wouldn't learn anything, kid._

 _Guys!_ Sam yelled at us. _You're on the job, stop messing around._

 _Sorry,_ we both thought and laughed.

We sniffed the area and kept our ears open, but still there was no sign of any vampires here. I knew chances are Sam and his squad would probably get a small whiff of the Cullen's, but I wonder if Victoria's stench would mix in.

 _This is getting ridiculous. Where the hell could she have gone? You think we would have found some trace of her by now._ Seth complained. _Think she gave up?_

I shook my head, my fur, since it was longer, waved a bit in my eyes, _I think she's waiting for something. Now that the other vampires are in the area, maybe she doesn't feel like she can go about it the same way. She'll be back._

 _Jake, you need a haircut, bro!_ I swiped at Seth and he jumped back laughing. _Come on, that's got to be annoying. Oh, but wait, Bella liked you when you had long hair so you have to grow it out again, right? Well, when you get matts, I'm not going to brush it out like you're my pet dog or something._

 _I wouldn't ask you to, now would you shut up, Seth!_ I practically screamed.

 _Touchy, touchy._

Sam was starting to get annoyed at our banter. It was easier to be this way when more of us are changed caused there is already too much to see in each other's mind. With only the five of us, it just looked like we were being lazy.

 _If you guys don't start behaving, I'm sending you home Jacob and I'm going to get Paul to babysit Seth._

 _I don't need a babysitter…_ Seth whined like a child.

 _Yes, you do,_ the rest of us thought in unison, causing Seth to pout.

Just then Seth caught a scent, _I smell something. Over here, Jacob!_ We both ditched the north and started running to the west, following the stench of a vampire. We were slightly off of our land and the more we followed it, the further from it we were getting. _Is it okay to pursue this with how far away it is?_

Sam replied, _Yes, but don't engage in case it's a Cullen. Just check to see if it's the redhead._

We ran and ran, following the smell. First it looked like it was running in a strange pattern with no clear destination in mind before heading to one of the cliffs.

When we got there, no one was there. The smell went to the edge then fell downward, almost like it had jumped _I guess vampires aren't afraid of height, eh?_ Seth questioned.

 _Over here there's a path. Come on!_ I lead the way down the side of the small mountain and we found the smell again once we reached the bottom.

We continued to follow it until we reached a small cabin the woods, not far from the highway given the sound.

Once we were in close enough of a distance a figure emerged from the cabin, staring at us with first shock, then confusion.

I knew this face, and all the anger boiled up inside of me.

Sam started screaming in my head, _Jacob! Back down until I get there, you hear me?!_

 _Sam, this is Edward Masen. The vampire Bella–_

 _I know who he is,_ Sam interrupted, _Back. Down._ His order sent a freezing intensity into my body, and despite my mind wanting to run over there and rip his head from his shoulders I couldn't. Sam's order was too strong.

"What do you want?" Edward sneered through his teeth, almost overly defensive.

 _Edward,_ Sam called in my thoughts. I forgot he was a mind reader, Sam was probably playing to that fact. _Wait for me and we can talk, it won't be long._ He relaxed a bit and leaned against the door to the cabin.

My mind started unintentionally reeling of images of Bella: the times my dad and I went over and saw her in those first couple months, her face the first time she came over to see me, our conversation about how she'll never run right when I asked about moving forward, all the times she had to hold herself together…

Edward looked to be in pain as he read my thoughts, _Oops_. I hadn't actually meant to torture him with those thoughts, but hey, happy surprise.

It had only taken Sam and Paul seven minutes to show up. _Where's Brady?_ Seth asked.

 _I sent him home._ Sam then turned to Edward. _You. What are you doing back here?_

Edward's eyes narrowed, "I think that's my business, don't you think?"

 _The fact that a vampire is around makes it our business as well,_ Sam stated, not accepting a half-assed excuse. _We have enough vampires to deal with without another one._

"We made a deal, Sam," Edward spoke. "You going back on your word?"

 _Do I need to?_ Sam challenged. Edward closed his eyes, more images were popping in my mind of Bella, this time on purpose. _Jacob, stop! Do I need to send you home, too?_

After the images left, he opened his eyes and stared at us. "No, you don't. I'm not here to cause any trouble."

 _Then why are you here?_ I yelled at him. _You left, remember?_

"Yes, I do, and I don't need to be challenged about my decision to return from a _mutt_ with anger issues," he snapped back.

 _Are you here for Bella?_ I asked.

That froze him where he stood. Enough of a reaction to tell me I was right. "I came back to make sure she was alive. Your voice is familiar, so I assume it was you I talked to on the phone at Bella's house. You told me Charlie was at a grave so I came back to make sure it wasn't Bella's. Is that wrong of me to do?"

No one answered that. Great, so it was my fault that he came back. If I had been a bit less cryptic, maybe he wouldn't have returned. _You better stay away from Bella, you hear me?!_

 _Jacob, enough! That is none of our business,_ Sam said, though I could see that he was thinking the same thing as me. As the leader, he had to try and remain as impartial as he could but he cared for Bella just as much as the rest of the pack, and none of us wanted him anywhere near her after what he had done to her. _If you're going to be in the area, we do have one request, and it's a request for Bella as well._

"What is it?" Edward said through gritted teeth. He was as fed up about this conversation as I was it seemed.

 _There's been a redheaded vampire in the area who's after Bella. Bella told us the story behind what had happened that led to her being a target. We're doing what we can to protect her. If you happen to catch anything or see anything of her, let us know,_ Sam then started to turn away. _Come on, let's go._

Edward called out before we disappeared, "I saw her. Recently. When I was coming into town I ran into her and chased her all the way to Montana before doubling back here. That's the last I've seen or noticed anything of Victoria."

We didn't say anything, just ran off, leaving him back in his cabin.

I was fuming. We had just had a civil conversation with the vampire that has screwed Bella ten ways to Sunday and no one but me even cared!

 _Of course we care, Jake,_ Paul said. _Chances are now that he knows Bella's alive he'll leave again soon, or leave after Victoria is dealt with. Bella told you he left because he stopped loving her, so if that's true, there's no reason he'll try anything with her again, okay?_

Since when was Paul all rational and calm about things? _Oh right_ , ever since he imprinted on my sister…

 _You got to admit, I'm more likeable to be around thanks to her_ , he smiled.

I told him to go do something to himself that caused Sam to officially sign me off for the night. I wasn't allowed to have any fun anymore. Paul used to be someone you can fight with if you wanted to let off some steam, and boy did I need to let some out.

When I got back to my place I went to a tree and just started punching it. I punched it until my knuckles started bleeding and I had scabs and scratches instead of skin on my fingers.

What Paul said did make sense, but at the same time I couldn't risk it. If Edward even for an instant decided that he should go see Bella, all the work I've been building to in order to be with her will go down the drain.

She'd take him back. No questions. I know one of the reasons she doesn't want to give us a chance is because she feels like he might return. That's why she didn't go to Jacksonville to live with her mom the two times the argument came about. She fought with everything she had in order to stay despite the fact that she hates the clouds, cold and rain with every fibre of her being. Even now when it rains, I hear a small groan escape her lips.

And her not going to college… I would like to think it's because of me. Because I'm the person she needs right now while she's getting over that Masen guy, but there is a part of me that thinks it's because she's still holding out for him.

But he hasn't been here, I have! I punched one last time on the tree and it knocked down, splintering and crashing to the ground. That would have woken my dad up for sure.

I ran and went into my Rabbit, preparing for a drive down to Forks. I had to see Bella.

The rain had started to pour from the sky and I looked at the clock, realizing it was close to 1am now. She probably wasn't awake anymore, and I wonder if she was still upset with me? I was too emotional to care about her state of consciousness, just like the night I pushed her to figure out what I was.

When I got to her place, I saw a light was still on, so I threw a couple rocks at it. Man does this bring me back… I never thought I would have to do this again.

I got a pretty quick answer, so apparently, she wasn't asleep. She opened the window and saw me, looking confused. "Jacob, what are you doing?"

"Can we talk?" I asked.

She sighed and closed the window. Not long after she was opening the front door and came out in her pajamas and a raincoat. "What do you want?"

"Let's get out of the rain." I led us towards the Rabbit and we just sat in it, shaking our heads to get some of the water off of us. "Firstly, I hate our fight. I hated leaving it at that, I'm sorry."

"That's okay, no worries, but Jacob I do want you to know, I'm not picking sides in anything. I'm neutral in all of this, that's not going to change."

I rolled my eyes, "So doesn't matter what kind of monster we are. We're all monsters and all monsters deserved equal treatment."

Bella laughed a little at that, "I guess that's one way of looking at it. Jacob, you're my best friend, I don't want to lose you. And I am not going to avoid the hospital just because a vampire works there. I'm too accident prone to limit the places I go to get treatment."

"Okay, I can live with that," I really couldn't, but I felt it was just better to play nice for the moment. The next thing we were going to talk about wasn't easy, and maybe me being understanding about the vampire doc would play things better in my favor for this next part.

Bella shrugged out of her jacket and leaned back against the headrest, "So why did you decide to invade my home at 1 in the morning?"

"My question is what are you still doing up?" She shook her head.

"I couldn't sleep, so I was just reading."

I rolled my eyes again, "You and your damn books. You know, most people, once they are out of high school, tend to want to leave the books on the shelf and never look at them again. Have you tried acting normal?"

"Normal is overrated. Besides, if I wanted normal, I wouldn't be best friends with a werewolf, now would I?" Bella raised an eyebrow at me, daring me to challenge her. I laughed. She was the weirdest person I've ever met. I really liked it. "But seriously Jake, I'm glad you wanted to make up and all, but that could have waited for say, 5 in the morning instead. What's going on?"

Could I tell her? Could I tell her that I ran into her vampire ex-lover? I knew I probably should, if anything just to give her the heads up in case he decided to show up. That would prove to her that I am the better person, someone not holding secrets. Maybe if I did tell her, she would be more inclined to hide away from where he might show up?

Or maybe she would go looking for him…?

I shook my head, "No, that was it. I couldn't sleep either and it was driving me crazy so I came over here. Sorry. Overreacting and all."

Bella laughed, "Well, if that's all," she pressed. She knew there was more. Damn her for knowing me so well. "Goodnight, Jake."

She got out of the Rabbit and ran back inside, only nearly stumbling once on the way.

I banged my head against the steering wheel. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._


	13. Chapter 13

_Sorry this one is a shorter one, but I wasn't entirely sure how to stretch it out anymore. More to come, and thank you for all those who are reviewing my story, definitely helps keep me motivated to start._

 _If you want to know what I am doing, here it is: I am writing at least 3 chapters a day, then reviewing them and posting them when I am able to. Though I have 22 chapters written, I just have to review them as best as I can before posting them to check for continuity and spelling errors. I found, though, that I can review my grammar and wordings better on my phone (for some reason my eyes pick it up easier), so after I post couple chapters I go back and do my best to fix up the story._

 _Also, I don't care to do authors notes anymore, this is a once in a blue moon thing I am doing. I know if anyone has read my other stories I have them but for the most part I'm going to not unless I feel like I really have something to say, like this one._

 _Thanks everyone who is following, and keep on checking back, I want to try and post at least a chapter a day when I am able to, more if I can._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 13**

 **BELLA POV**

The next morning, I was exhausted. I didn't fall asleep until 3 in the morning, more because I was trying to figure out what the hell that was with Jacob last night?

I would have understood him coming up early in the morning for that but the middle of the night? I wasn't buying into his excuse he couldn't sleep. There was something more.

 _I guess he'll tell me if he's ready._ I grabbed my bag and my work outfit and headed out to Newton's. I had a full work shift today which I was not looking forward to. In my state of exhaustion, I was not going to be a very helpful employee today.

It wasn't too busy, with it supposed to be raining all weekend not many people were in need of any last minute outdoor equipment so most of the day was spent cleaning and stocking shelves. I recognized a couple of the Cullen kids coming in, heading over to the sports section. I wonder if their father told them about me? Something along the lines of, _watch out, there's a human in town here who knows about us. She's the one who is almost as pale as us_.

I shook my head, dispelling the thought. They came up to the tills, the male was a tall, lean blonde and the other was the short pixie haired girl. "Alice, are you sure that that is all we're going to need?" The guy questioned.

She waved her hand, dismissing his statement. He put eight baseball bats on the counter and I started to ring them through. _Vampires play baseball?_ "Yes, yes. This'll be fine."

"Is that everything?" I asked.

"That's it!" The girl squealed, pulling out a credit card with a smile. I rang them through and then they were gone, arm in arm. They looked to be a happy couple.

My eyes cast down and I thought of my conversation with Edward. I was trying my hardest to not think about that. There was still something in it that made it so dreamlike, but I know if it was in my dreams I would have forgiven him.

The fact I didn't kept reminding me it was real.

I wonder if he's still in the area or if I scared him off? Did he run back to wherever he was before, keeping up the life he was living? If so, that definitely put a damper on his whole not-being-able-to-live-without-me and I-love-you statements.

If he was still in the area, what would that mean? Would that mean those statements are as genuine as he claimed? I wanted them to be. I _needed_ them to be.

He had seemed so lost. I wish I could have gone up and given him a hug, let him know that things would work out. But how could I promise something I wasn't even sure about myself?

Things were turning upside down, inside out and backwards all at once and I didn't know how to untangle the knot inside of me.

I wonder if he was at his cabin? If he left his stuff there and was sifting through his old music and books. Or did he run into Carlisle and has been figuring that out? Honestly, for a time for him to decide to return, now would probably be the most confusing for him.

If he was doing anything here, I really did hope he was reconnecting with Carlisle. In our whole time together, that was the only thing I really pushed – that and being turned into one of the undead.

The rest of my shift went by very slowly. The thunder had started to pick up in the storm just as I was leaving. _Good timing._

I pulled up to the house and saw that Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway which was strange. Usually he's home by now.

I grabbed the key and unlocked the door. I hated coming home to an empty house, especially now. The hairs on the back of my neck always stood up because I never had any idea whether anyone was hiding out, like Victoria.

Now I can add another name to that, Edward.

 _Speaking of which,_ I thought to myself, as I saw him in all his glory sitting on the couch in the living room. I stood up rather quickly with his hands up like he'd been caught.

My heart skipped and breath caught. Was I ever going to get used to seeing him? The urge to run over and kiss him was strong, but I was still angry. _Resist it, resist it._ I chanted to myself.

"What are you _doing?_ " I snapped, trying to sound intimidating, which might have worked if he wasn't a hundred-year-old vampire.

"I'm not here to start anything, I swear," he lowered in hands and put them in his pockets.

I dropped my bag and crossed my arms. This was too much. Two times has he intruded into my house, and last time I thought I made myself clear I wanted him to stay away. Guess not.

Edward did his best to try and look everywhere except at me, I couldn't figure out what that meant. "I'm not here to continue our… previous conversation."

"Then why are you here?" _I've been asking that question a lot lately…_

"Some friends of yours paid me a visit. The werewolves?" He pushed. I clenched my teeth. _This isn't good._ "They came to talk to me about the situation with Victoria."

I bit my lip, "I already told you about that."

He started fidgeting again, which was starting to really irritate me. "I just wanted to let you know, I'm going to be staying to help with that. I know the wolves can't protect you here right now, so I'm going to take over for them on that."

I threw my hands in the air, "Seriously? I need a freaking babysitter?" I stormed into the kitchen.

"It's not babysitting, Bella." Edward followed behind me, keeping his distance, but still close enough I could smell him and feel the coolness of his skin. I missed that. _Snap out of it, Bella!_ "I ran into Victoria on my way here and she's very angry. She's definitely after you, and I'm sure there is more than just the pack and me that would hate it if she got to you. Let me help, please Bella."

I grabbed the peanut butter and bread out of the fridge and closed it. With the wolves unable to protect me in Forks I have been really nervous about the fact she might get close, hence my panic when I come home to an empty house. I shook my head, I can't have Edward so close all the time, it messes with my judgement. "It's not your problem, Edward."

He snorted, "Not my problem? Why do you think she's after you? It's because _I_ killed James. She thinks she punishing me by hurting you, and she's right on that." I closed my eyes at that statement. "I started this, so I'm going to help. I was just hoping to get a bit of acceptance from you, and to let you know why I might be lingering outside of your house once in a while."

"What, you're not going to stay inside?" I replied sarcastically as I finished spreading the peanut butter.

Edward shook his head, "Probably not the best idea right now."

I finally turned towards him, "So you've accepted that I'm not ready to be around you?"

He shrugged, "For the most part. I'm not saying it's easy but if you need your space, I'm going to give it to you. I really want to make us work again, so I'll follow your lead. If, in the end, you decide you don't it to happen, I'll accept it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, so dumbfounded I just stood there probably looking like I went into shock.

"I'm the one that messed up, Bella. I shouldn't have expected that we could just go back after one conversation," he looked down. "I'll do whatever I can, or whatever you need me to. For now, though, I just want to work on making sure Victoria doesn't make you her next meal."

I nodded, accepting his protection.

"Thank you, Bella," Edward said. "I should, um, get going then, before Charlie shows up."

"Probably a good idea," I watched him as he walked out of the house, and ran into the woods. "Goodbye," I whispered into nothing, staring after him.

* * *

 **VICTORIA POV**

I now know all the spots around the town. I know where those dogs have the best defenses, I know where meeting humans is too often, I now know about that new vampire clan that settled and that I should probably avoid them. Most importantly, I know now that the man who murdered James is back.

There was no trace of him in my searches here. The only ones I've seen trying to defend that human are the dogs, and I'm sure I would have run into _him_ eventually if he had been around, or at least his scent.

I got to the warehouse area in Seattle where I was to meet my new partner. _He better not be late again._

When I arrived, Riley was already there, leaning up against the door to one of the buildings awaiting my arrival. "Hello," I whispered in his ear. Though this man meant nothing to me, the pretense of an intimate relationship was important of getting what I wanted. "How are our soldiers?"

Riley turned his face towards me, his lips so close I could practically feel them, "Just like you to always get straight to the point." And he kissed me.

Every instinct I had told me to push him away, but my mind knew to play along with his obsession of me. I reached out and grabbed the back of his hair and held him closer, playing passion. He turned and pinned me against the side of the building. His lips were getting more urgent and eager.

I pushed him away slightly. "That wasn't an answer."

"We have 17. Enough by far to distract and take out those wolves you mentioned. You have nothing to fear," he grabbed the side of my face and looked at me intently. "We will find that girl and tear her to shreds for killing your last love."

I placed my hand on his cheek, "Then I can let it go, and we can be together forever."

Riley smiled again and crashed his lips back together, now pulling my clothes off. _I can't wait till I get rid of him, as well…_


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

 **BELLA POV**

I waited in the waiting room probably a lot earlier then I needed to. It was only 5:45, so Dr. Cullen wasn't going to be finishing work for at least another 15 minutes, plus however long it took him to be ready to receive me, but I was in a rush to leave Jacob's today.

I spent the day with him, it was another day he had off so we sat down and watched some more corny action movies and I tried my best not to fall asleep at how disinterested I was. Even Billy, after the first two, left to go visit Sue Clearwater. He must be amazed at the patience I had with this. By now, we had probably run out of movies that have been created in this decade, so we were onto the 80s.

There still was no sign of Victoria. I wonder if Edward had scared her enough that she decided I wasn't worth it anymore… No, she was too determined for that. If anything, him being back would just ignite the fire.

By the time the last movie we had watched finished up, Jake and I just sat in silence. That was when I had lost my patience with him.

"What's going on with you, Jake?" I said, annoyed.

He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, "What do you mean?"

I snorted, "What I mean is what is with all these movies? Back to back watching of nonstop bombs and cars and guns."

He turned and faced me, "You don't like romances."

I sighed, "It's not just about the type of movies we're watching. More just about the amount of them and the fact that that is all we do anymore. We don't do anything else, and anytime I suggest it, you counteract with one of these," I grabbed a DVD case and held it up before placing it back on the pile we had next to the couch. "Something's changed and I don't like it."

"Everything's changed…" he whispered, not sure if he intended for me to hear that.

I knew where this all started, that day in Port Angeles. "Is this about… what I said? Not wanting us to go any further?"

Jacob shook his head, "No, of course not." But I could hear the lies in his voice as he said so, and I think he did, too, because he sighed and back tracked. "It's hard, okay. I have these strong feelings for you and you could care less, but I _have_ to be around you, and it's much easier when we're occupied on something else like this rather than hanging out and talking. Whenever we talk, my mouth always jumps to asking us to go forward. The rejections just hurt too much, Bella."

I reached out and grabbed his hand, but he pulled it away very quickly, "I'm sorry, Jacob. I don't want to hurt you."

"Then why do you keep rejecting me?" He was practically pleading at this point.

"I've already told you why. And if say I did want to try, I would hurt you eventually, worse than this."

"You don't know that!" Jacob stood up and screamed. I recoiled in the seat a bit, not sure if this anger was going to spark a change, but he seemed to be in control.

I stood up and stared down, not liking feeling so small on the couch, "I do. Because I'm not going to get over him, Jacob. That's going to hurt you."

It wasn't too long after that I decided to leave. I wonder if I should ask Carlisle today about what to do with Jacob? Could he provide me with some insight on how to deal with this? But he said he wanted to go linear, so we wouldn't even get to my current problems with Jacob for a while.

"Bella," Dr. Cullen called out, bringing me out of my reverie. I stood up and walked over, following him to his office. "So, how have things been going since I saw you last?"

I shrugged, "Fine, I guess."

"Is something troubling you?"

"Things are just getting… complicated with Jacob. Trying to figure out what to do," I spilled.

Dr. Cullen leaned forward, "Would you like to talk about that instead of what we talked about last week?"

 _Yes,_ "No, I'm good." _Chicken._

"Okay, well, I just want to jump straight to it," and so began the story of my life.

He started asking me about my life with my mother. For as long as I can remember, I was always the one looking out for her, keeping Renee away from stupid plans and hobbies that could get her killed, putting up with the ones that were silly but harmless. She never could remember where she put things she has set down only seconds ago and missed appointments constantly if I wasn't there to remind her about them.

It was hard being a normal teenager when you had someone to take care of. Not that I minded. The people I had gone to school with in Phoenix were more the stereotypical, teen movie types. You had the jocks, geeks, mean girls and consistent drama. I was lucky that I was one of the kids who didn't fit in any circle, and so I was never really the center of anything, including bullies. People never picked on me, at least to my face, and it was easy for me to fade into the background.

"Did you have anyone you talked to in Phoenix? Aside from your mother?" Dr. Cullen asked.

I nodded, "I did have some friends. More like the ones you would pair up with in class and sit with at lunch. Not really any that I would hang out with after school, though."

"Have you talked with any of them since you moved here?"

"No. Like I said, not the closest with anyone."

We moved onto Phil next, and how things had changed when he came along. "I guess things were fine. My mom was – _is –_ happy. It was just weird, things started changing so much afterwards."

"How so?"

"My mom didn't need me as much, it started getting kind of split between the two of us, and eventually away from me."

Dr. Cullen was writing something down before asking his next question, "Do you think that that is one of the reasons you chose to live with your dad here?"

This I wasn't oblivious of. In Phoenix, I had a purpose with my mom, and when she stopped needing me and I had more time to myself I felt a bit trapped. I didn't have really any friends to hang out with or talk to, and those periods of loneliness scared me. "I know it is. I never told her that, though. Phil had to go away a lot for his baseball, and my mom had made a comment about wishing she could go with him on his away games. I don't think she meant it as a hint for me to move out. When she said that, I thought it would be good to spend time with Charlie, she gets to be with Phil when he has to leave and maybe some of that monotone-ness I was starting to feel would go away."

He seemed impressed that I knew so much about my psyche during all this. I guess he had come to the same conclusion, but was pretty shocked that I was the one to say it out loud instead of him.

"And what was your opinion on Forks? You said you liked the sun and the heat."

So, I confessed my deepest, darkest adolescent attitude. Visiting Forks was the bane of my existence when I was younger, but it had nothing to do with visiting my dad, that I actually liked. Charlie and I are similar in so many ways, even with us only seeing each other for only a couple weeks a year. It had everything to do with feeling suffocated under the clouds and how I felt like I was in a never-ending shower when it rained.

"It's too… green," I also said. Dr. Cullen laughed at that. "I guess everywhere else probably looks that way after living in a desert."

But I have grown accustomed to it. I started talking about how I was getting used to all the quirky weather that Forks had to offer – apart from the snow. That, I could do without any day.

"Have you had any opportunities to leave Forks?"

I nodded, "Yeah. The first time was when my mom and Phil found a place in Jacksonville and were settled in there with his new coaching job, my mom called me and offered to let me move in with her."

"Why did you say no, if you hate it here so much?"

"I didn't at the time. Um, that was around the time I started going out… with Edward."

He didn't press that comment about Edward yet, I guess in keeping with the linear fashion, it wasn't time. "And the second?"

"Last September when I was in my catatonic state. Charlie called my mom to get me away from here but I threw a fit and ended up staying."

"And why did you do that?"

I slumped my shoulders and stared at my hands as they moved around each other. "I don't know. I can't figure that out myself. I just knew the idea of leaving sent a panic in me."

"Could it have something to do with Edward?" He asked, not sounding judging at all.

"Maybe…" It was an idea I had. Okay, it was the _only_ idea I had. My thoughts were I was waiting to see if he would return even though I knew he wasn't going to, which made no sense. I didn't tell Dr. Cullen this.

He clicked his pen, "Well, I think that is good for today on that. Seems like you don't have the standard life of the typical American teenager."

I laughed, "Nope. Apparently not."

Carlisle walked around the desk and leaned against it right next to me with his arms crossed, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about what's been going on with your friend?"

I remained silent. I really wanted to. I wanted to know what I could do to stop hurting Jacob, but I'm not sure I will like the answer.

"Not right now…" I closed my eyes.

"Is there something you are scared of if you talk about it?" This vampire knew what he was talking about. I didn't know how old he was, but he might have centuries of experience in reading the emotions and expressions off of people. I never would be able to hide anything.

So I just sighed, "I'm just scared about what the advice might be to do."

Dr. Cullen nodded. "Understandable. Whenever you're ready, we can talk about it."

I stood up and started gathering my things.

Today wasn't a hard day with the therapy stuff. Talking about life with my mother is a whole lot easier then talking about life with Edward, and since where we finished off, I wonder if that is going to be next? Or will he fixate on my life with Charlie? The hopeful side of me is hoping about my life with Charlie. I wasn't ready to talk about Edward to anymore.

I had yet to even mention I had met him a couple times to Jacob. I wonder if Jake knew he was back in the area? If so, I'm sure he would have told me, even if it was just to warn me. As far as he knew, Edward wasn't in love with me anymore.

I went back home and saw Charlie's cruiser in the driveway. When I got inside he was watching a game in his chair, a single beer can beside him. "Hey, dad." I called out.

"Hey, Bella. How's Jacob?" He asked, his eyes remaining fixed on the TV.

"Fine, I guess," I went into the fridge and poured myself some milk, grabbing Charlie another beer before sitting down on the couch.

Charlie muted the TV. "I got a call from Billy. Jake was really upset when he got home from Sue's. Are you sure everything is fine?"

 _Today is like therapy central…_

I didn't know what to say, "Things are… well, they're starting to get complicated. More than before. I don't know what to do anymore." Charlie didn't have a response to that. "I'm working on it, dad, you don't have to worry."

"Of course I'm going to worry, you're my daughter." Charlie came over and sat with me on the couch. He didn't put his arm around me, comforting was not one of his strong points. I could tell he was waiting for me to talk about what was bothering me.

Maybe it was because I had just come back from a therapy session, but I felt like I needed to open up about this. I wasn't ready to talk with Dr. Cullen about it, but I did seem ready to talk with Charlie.

"He wants more. He has for a long time, but I just… can't. It's getting harder on Jacob, me rejecting him, and I just don't know what to do anymore."

This probably was more in-depth then Charlie thought I would give, he didn't know what to say. He patted my shoulder and struggled for words. "What you two have it complicated, I guess. Things will fall into place. But Bella, don't do anything you don't want to do just because you feel guilty. And don't let Jacob push you into a relationship if you aren't ready for it."

I nodded, "Thanks, dad. I'm going to go read."

He seemed a bit relieved that we ended that conversation. Charlie always tried his best to be there for me even though he was never sure how. The effort, though, always sent a warm feeling through me.

The sound of the TV turned back on and I went into my room, laying on the bed.

I think I know what I have to do, and I wasn't going to like it.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

 **EDWARD POV**

I kept a patrol of my own around Bella's and the rest of Forks from all directions except for the La Push one (which I knew the wolves were keeping a good eye and nose on). Still no sign of Victoria. What was she planning?

According to what I got from the wolves heads they've been chasing after her since around December almost on a weekly basis they would see her at least once until only a few months ago.

It was putting me on edge.

Whenever I was doing my patrols and I ended up near Bella's I could help but linger outside. Sometimes she was home and sometimes she wasn't. When she was, I would hear her doing the odd little tasks around the house or hear her talk to her dad about trivial things. But today, I heard something I wasn't sure I wanted to.

 _"_ _He wants more. He has for a long time, but I just… can't. It's getting harder on Jacob, me rejecting him, and I just don't know what to do anymore,"_ Bella said to Charlie. Things were pretty serious between them.

 _"_ _What you two have it complicated, I guess. Things will fall into place. But Bella, don't do anything you don't want to do just because you feel guilty. And don't let Jacob push you into a relationship if you aren't ready for it,"_ Charlie advised her. In his head, all Charlie could think of was how nervous he was talking about his daughter's love life, and hoping this conversation wouldn't continue. But because he's a good father, he would talk about this for hours if that is what Bella needed.

He didn't have to worry, she said her thanks and went upstairs rather quickly. I wonder if she was going to take his advice to heart.

I stayed on the side of her house, listening to her flop and toss and turn on her bed before doing into the washroom for a shower. How I longed to go up there and be with her when she came out, ready to hold her to me.

I took a deep breath and exhales. I promised I would go at her pace and not push. I needed to keep my patience if I was going to get her back.

But what if she decided what she wanted was the wolf? What if she took him up on his apparent persistence and they started a relationship? Holding hands, going on dates, kissing, maybe… I shook my head, dispelling the thought before it even went there.

 _No sign of Victoria here,_ I quickly left before I did something stupid. I ran up towards my cabin and I could sense that Carlisle was there. This was the first time I had seen him since that day on the cliffs. I wonder if he was here to ask why I haven't stopped by and paid Esme a visit? It's not like I didn't want to, it's just that I haven't felt ready yet.

I opened the door and I could see Carlisle looking through my collections. "You know, this is probably breaking and entering."

Carlisle smiled, "Probably. Should I leave and knock?"

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it."

"You've picked up quite a collection over the years. You have always been into music," his head nodded towards my cheap, basic piano. "You still play?"

I shrugged, "Not that much. Occasionally."

In Carlisle's head, I could see a memory, me playing the piano after he first bought it for me and the smile on my face, then his mind flickered to their current home, "You still have it?"

Carlisle looked embarrassed, he probably didn't mean for me to see that, "Yes, we take it to every house we go to. Sorry, I guess I need to work on my thoughts again."

Then he let me into a memory. It was in the 1960s, based on the outfits a couple members of his family were wearing. Esme and him were getting into a bit of an argument over the piano.

"I want him to come back, you know that, but after all this time I don't think he will, Esme," Carlisle said, giving up. "We can leave the piano here. If he does come back we can have it shipped to us."

"I'm not leaving it here. It's one of the very few things we have to remember him by," Esme begged, grabbing his hands. Carlisle closed his eyes, "I don't want us to forget him. And when he does come back, the first things I'm going to make him do is play for us. Please."

I smiled watching that and shook my head, "She hasn't changed at all, has she?"

Carlisle chuckled, "Nope. Still the same optimist. Esme's never given up that you would come back."

"You did." I didn't sound accusing about it, which shocked me.

Carlisle sat down on my couch and I followed afterwards. "Not 'given up.' More like… accepted your decision. It took me a long time to do so, and even now I'm not sure I have let go completely."

I shrugged, "Me being around now wouldn't help with that."

He laughed, "No, it definitely doesn't. Don't worry, I'm not regretting seeing you again. In fact, I'm really happy I have. There were always these lingering questions on where you were, what you were doing, were you happy? I'm sure we've annoyed everyone else when he had these conversations. Talking about someone who meant so much to us and they have no idea who you even were."

I went over to my bookshelf and pulled out an old book, it was one of the first editions of Dracula. Another gift from Carlisle I had taken with me when I left. "I remember when you gave this to me. We were shopping in a bookstore and I was reading it, laughing so hard at all the things Bram Stoker got wrong about vampires."

Carlisle laughed, taking the book from my hands, "You were so entertained by it I had to buy it for you. I'm sure you read it when you were human."

"I did. Didn't enjoy it too much until after I was a vampire though, then it just became a comedy," I said. "I never have forgotten you two. Ever. There were so many times I've wanted to go back to you guys, but I never could bring myself to do it. I guess I was so accustomed to being on my own, I didn't know how to try and be with others anymore."

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulders and patted me. "I understand. Why do you think it took me so long to find someone to be with? I had the idea for decades but I wasn't sure about sharing my life with anyone until I met you in that hospital. I guess I got a bit addicted after that." He laughed. In his mind, I saw his new family for the first time. Esme was still there, then there was the blonde I saw in that window all those years ago, her name apparently was Rosalie. Next to her was her mate, a big burly man named Emmett. Then there was Alice, a small, black-haired girl with a huge smile who could apparently see the future. Then there was Jasper, a tall, lean, blonde man with a lot of battle scars. He was also an empath.

"I only changed Rosalie and Emmett," Carlisle defended himself. "Alice and Jasper came on their own, we just welcomed them."

"And you are all mated?" I was a bit astonished at that. "That is… quite impressive."

"If I have to describe them: Rosalie and Emmett are extremely physical when it comes to their relationship. It took a solid decade before Esme and I could stand to be within miles of them. Alice and Jasper are more subtle about theirs, I would have to describe it as spiritual. They just _get_ each other. It's kind of strange, but heartwarming."

It was nice hearing Carlisle talk about his family. They were something he was proud of, on par with the work he does as a doctor. After centuries of being on his own, this last century he has developed a full-force, functional family. And it worked. I could feel a pinch of jealousy in me, but it was overshadowed by how happy I was for him.

It was hard to be overly jealous when you're reading the mind of someone who is happy. It's almost as though my emotions were getting changed.

"Anyway, I just wanted to pop by and see how you were doing," Carlisle stood up and made his way to the door.

"Wait," I called out. He stopped as his hand gripped the doorknob. "Can I ask you something? You don't have to go into any detail, I just want to know."

He turned to face me, "About?"

"Bella?" I asked. "Do you know… how she's doing?"

Carlisle said he was going to do what he could to help her, I could tell he has. The moment I said her name, an image of them in his office and of them talking rolled through his head, but he did a good job of keeping it on mute. Those conversations were private after all.

"I don't know too much. We're going about this slowly, I don't want to push her into something she's not ready to talk about yet," Carlisle explained. "One thing I do know is she's very confused about a lot of different things, and I know that based on just her expressions."

I nodded and put my head down.

"Have you tried talking with her? Besides the first time, I mean."

"Yeah," I replied. "Just to let her know that I she didn't have to worry about me trying to push too far, that I'd go at her pace for things."

Carlisle came and placed a hand on my shoulder, "That's really good and mature of you. I'm sure that helped relieve a bit of anxiety."

"It's really hard," I shook my head.

"It will be. No one said keeping your distance from the one you love is ever easy, but in this instance, it's the best option." He turned around to leave again, "Hope to see you around again, and please, whenever you're ready, try to stop by and visit Esme."

Then he was gone, closing the door gently behind him.

I felt quite better after that conversation. And I liked how, just like he wasn't pushing Bella, he wasn't pushing me either.

* * *

 **CARLISLE POV**

I tried my best to give Edward his distance since our first meeting. Even my patience though had a limit, so I went down to see him. I'm glad I had. It gave me quite a bit of comfort to know that Edward has been thinking about us while he's been away – that he didn't forget about us.

As much as I wanted to jump for joy and tell Esme about Edward, I knew now wasn't the right time. If I did, knowing my wife, she would rush over to go see him. I'm not sure if he is ready for that, and he knows I will keeping poking him with the idea until he does. And if I told Esme and he didn't end up showing up, it would crush her.

I hated keeping secrets from her. She was my mate, my one true love. I hoped keeping this secret was going to be for the best in the long run, though I know she'll get mad at me once she finds out.

When I got to the house, stopping and hunting a couple of deer along the way, I felt the presence of another vampire than the other 5 who resided with me. It wasn't someone I recognized. The only ones who ever visited us were the Denali clan and Jasper's friends Peter and Charlotte.

Alice was waiting for me outside, her eyes narrowed. "Alice, what's wrong?"

She didn't say anything, just went inside and I followed after her. When I got to the living area I saw the visitor, a red-haired vampire.

"Hello," I greeted.

"Hello," she replied. "My name is Victoria. Your… wife let me in. I hope that's okay."

Her polite demeanour seemed rather forced, "Of course. It's not often we get visitors. What can we do for you?"

Her eyes brewed in anger, and she snarled her next words, "I need help taking care of someone."


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

 **VICTORIA POV**

When Riley showed me our army, I was disappointed. They were fighting with each other, tearing others apart and screaming. Anyone who walked into the area to see what was going on were ripped to shreds.

He had placed a hand on my back and said, "They will help us win this fight."

I did not share is confidence, though. For the first time in a while, I went back to that forsaken town, ready to see if maybe after all this time their defense had dropped. It appeared as though they had with how close I was starting to get. It has been some time since I got this close.

But as always, the wolves were still there. There were only two of them, and once they saw me they howled. They chased after me and I knew it wouldn't be long before more of them showed up.

Once I managed to escape in the water, I started thinking how my plans for the newborns were probably not going to work against such a well-organized group of mutts. My army was scattered and divided, only staying because of the promise of fresh blood and lots of it. That wasn't enough to make them work together to distract the wolves as need be for me to make my way in.

Also, I might have to deal with _him_ again. After what I saw with James, the chances of me fighting him one on one and winning were slim.

That was when an idea had struck me. I knew about the new vampires in town, why not see if they will support my cause?

From what little info I could gather, they looked like a group made up of three different mates. That could help them sympathize with my cause.

In as roundabout of a way as I could, I found their scent and followed it to a big house in the middle of practically nowhere. I was able to see it off in the distance when two males showed up in a defensive mode.

I tried to look as peaceful as I could, holding up my hands and saying, "I mean no harm." They relaxed their stances and stared at each other. "My name is Victoria, and I need your help. Can we talk?"

A short female vampire came shortly after, having heard my plea and lead me inside, welcoming me into their home. One of the males who greeted me outside, the blonde one, seemed rather nervous about my sudden appearance.

"What can we help you with?"

I swallowed and tried my best to keep as calm of a persona as I could, "I have a problem, and I realize I cannot handle it on my own, and was hoping for your clan's help. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't urgent."

"Of course," the woman's eyes narrowed. "How rude of me, my name is Esme. These are my sons, Jasper and Emmett. My daughters are just outside," that was when two females appeared, looking me up head to toe, "Rosalie and Alice."

I nodded my head in a bow at them, "Nice to meet you."

"We should just wait for my husband, Carlisle, then we can make a full family decision about what it is you need of us."

"Thank you."

It had only been another ten minutes before the leader of the clan, Carlisle, showed up. Alice had gone outside to greet him when he was approaching. They had a quiet exchange outside before he came in. My patience was waning and I was not able to keep up my calm and pleading demeanour as well as before.

"Hello," he said. I replied with the same word.

"My name is Victoria. Your… wife let me in. I hope that's okay?" I tried to sound as friendly as I was able.

"Of course. It's not often we get visitors. What can we do for you?"

I then was picturing that human in my head, and the need to go and kill her was taking over me, but I pushed it down as best as I could, then I replied, "I need help taking care of someone."

Carlisle's eyes narrowed at that, "And you came to us? I'm sorry, we're a peaceful family. I'm sure we can be much help."

His politeness was starting to irritate me. I tried to look as vulnerable as I could, "I'm sorry, I wouldn't ask if I had another option. You see the thing is, my mate, James, he was killed. Another vampire tore him apart when all he was trying to do was feed. That man is still alive and I've been fearing for my life ever since. He chased me down all the way to Montana not too long ago. I saw what he had done to my James and I am afraid he'll do it to me as well.

"I was just hoping to ask for some help to save my life. Please," I hoped that excuse worked well. If they could take care of that Edward, then I could sneak away and take care of the human while my army deals with the wolves. If they agreed, there would be no problem in getting my revenge.

Carlisle looked at me sympathetically after hearing my story. I kept the story as true as I could, only leaving out that James was more playing with the idea of his meal on that Bella.

They seemed like caring vampires, their eyes that shade of gold that Edward has. That was the only thing that worried me about this plan, that they would side with him because of his diet.

They wouldn't leave a woman all on her own when she feared for her life. They were too compassionate for that.

"Who was it? Who was it that murdered your mate?" Carlisle asked.

I took in a deep breath, and said, "Edward."

His eyes widened and I noticed the eyes of his mates as well. "Edward?" Esme said, then looking at Carlisle.

Carlisle grabbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers, as though thinking very hard about something. I started panicking. _Damn, they knew him... keep up the pretense._

"Please," I reached out, "you have to help me."

He took his hands off of his nose but kept his eyes closed a moment longer before opening them, looking at the face of his wife. He stroked her cheek then turned back to me, "I'm sorry, I'm afraid we'll have to decline."

I gauged everyone's reaction to his dismissal, most of them looked confused but accepted it, only one looked at him like he was crazy, Emmett.

"Carlisle," Emmett started, but Carlisle raised his hands to stop him.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I hope for the best for you."

Me playing nice died right then, I hardened my eyes and growled and it only took less than a second for everyone to get defensive, I wasn't going to win against this many, so I flew out the door before they could follow.

 _Damn it! Damn it to hell!_ There goes that plan. Of course, with the gold eyes, they all knew each other, I should have guessed and acted accordingly when I saw that. That was the only reason they turned me down, they didn't want to kill a friend of theirs.

I just hope I hadn't made a huge mistake, and gotten myself more enemies by my foolish decision.

* * *

 **CARLISLE POV**

The atmosphere was tense around the house for the next few minutes before everyone relaxed. That woman, Victoria, seemed so sweet and terrified, but he last action negated that. It had been an act.

Once we all settled down Esme turned to me, "Edward. She said Edward."

I closed my eyes, I hadn't wanted to mention it to her yet, not until he was ready. "Yes, our Edward."

Emmett laughed, "Wait is he in the area? Seriously? He's real?"

Rosalie slapped him, "Will you shut up, didn't you hear her? He killed her mate and now he's trying to kill her."

I held up my hand, "Hey. We don't know the full story. We know hers. I'm sure there is a lot more to this than just what we've heard so far."

Jasper started shaking, holding onto Alice for support, "Her emotions were strong. Very deep and dark. It's revenge she wants, so I'm sure the reason Edward's trying to kill her is probably because she's trying to kill him. It's not just a one-way street."

Alice held out her hand and cupped his cheek, trying to calm him. Her emotions had to have been powerful to get such a reaction out of Jasper. I wasn't sure if even Alice was able to calm him. "I haven't seen anything about this, I only saw her arriving and got Jasper and Emmett out to meet her."

"Do you see anything now?" Jasper asked. We all waited as Alice closed her eyes and searched for a vision. Her breathing caught and she opened them up. "Alice, what is it?"

"She's heading to Seattle, to a group of newborn vampires. She's the one creating them!" Alice stated. No one said anything. This situation in Seattle we've been monitoring has come around, and we just met the one causing the issues. "Why would she need to do that?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. But I know who to talk to."

Esme's eyes perked up and I assumed she knew who I was talking about. I turned towards her and held her to me, "Edward. He's the only one we know who's involved with this, we should hear what he has to say."

Rosalie scoffed, "When was the last time you guys even saw him? Maybe he's still all drink human blood maniac. No offense, but that _is_ what he left you two to do, wasn't it?"

I smiled, "Actually, I've seen him." Everyone looked at me in surprise, and Esme backed away in shock and I turned to her. "He's in the area, has been for a while. I've talked with him a couple times. I'm sorry I haven't said anything, I thought it would be best to let him come when he was ready."

"How have we not known?" Esme sat down on the couch in a bit of dismay. "If he's been so close…"

I shrugged, "I'm not sure. He's staying in the place on the south end of Forks. A cabin in the woods."

"A horror movie waiting to happen," Emmett whispered to Jasper.

"There's a lot of different things going on with him right now. I didn't think it would be right to force our presence on him with what is going on. Right now, though, I don't think we have much of a choice. If she's creating the army in Seattle, and she's after Edward, that means chances are it's going to come down here eventually. We need to know all we can."

Everyone nodded. We agreed to leave in about a few hours, Esme went outside to the back patio and I followed behind her. I placed my hand on her back and rubbed in circles.

"He's okay," Esme said with a smile, though it didn't match her sad eyes.

I nodded, "As good as can be, yes."

"He's been so close. How long?"

I didn't like to confess this part, we were nearing the end of October… "Since the end of September."

"A month?" She seemed shocked. "And he's known and hasn't come to visit?"

I turned her body and crushed it to my chest, holding her. "Like I said, there is a lot going on with him. I can't go into it, for it's not my place. I'm sure once he felt ready he was going to. Actually, I just came back from seeing him. And do you want to know what he said to me?"

Esme lifted her face, keeping her arms on my shoulders and our bodies pressed together, "What?"

I grabbed one of my hands and held her chin, "That he missed us, and for so long he wanted to visit but never found the strength to do so."

"He was worrying over nothing."

"I told him that, too." I kissed her lips, a nice gentle one. "And though he might seem nervous and uncomfortable, I can guarantee one thing. He will be so happy to see you again."

Esme nodded, then kissed me again, this time with more force.

Once everyone was ready, we all prepared ourselves and headed out, me leading the way to Edward's cabin.


	17. Chapter 17

_I realized as I was reading through and double checking this chapter that I had a time continuity error with the previous chapter. I said the Cullen's would have left in an hour but I changed that to fit this chapter. I'm sorry I hadn't noticed before publishing it. It's updated now if you would like to go back and reread Carlisle's portion of the last chapter._

 **CHAPTER 17**

 **BELLA POV**

I pulled up to Jacob's, nervous about what I was about to do. I didn't want to, and it might just kill me, but I knew I had to end this. It wasn't fair to him, and all I'm doing is hurting him. The more we hang out, the more I am around him, the worse it's going to get.

I need to set him free. I'll never be able to be with him, so I shouldn't lead him on by being around.

Jacob didn't come out to greet me like he normally does, the sound of my truck usually is like my calling card and he's right there. I knocked on the door and Billy answered.

"Hey, Bella. Jacob's not here."

"He at Sam's?"

Billy shook his head, "Some of the others that were on patrol howled, so he phased and went after them. Why don't you come inside?"

"Thanks," I walked passed him, giving him room for his wheelchair to fit the narrowness of the hallway. I sat on the couch, "Watching the game?"

Billy nodded, "Yup. I was going to go over to your dad's but after what happened with Jake, I want to stay close. This is the first time something has happened in a while. Hoe that means they're going to end this."

"Me too," I replied, now scared.

I really hoped Jacob and the rest of the pack were going to be alright. If Victoria has come back and anything happened to them, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Victoria was my problem, and Edward's too, now that he's back. The pack shouldn't have to pick up the messes of our relationship. I didn't argue too hard because she had killed in the area and the pack is here to protect everyone from vampires.

Everyone she's killed in the area, that's my fault.

Billy noticed my scared and guilty face, "Hey, it's going to be okay. They're tough and strong, and they have something to fight for."

"So does she," I said without thinking. "They shouldn't have to do this."

Billy shook his head, "You say that every time they're hunting that redhead down."

"Well, it's true. She's in the area because of me, because Edward was protecting me. They weren't involved with what happened, that was us." I pulled my knees up and buried my head in them. Billy turned his chair around and came over to comfort me.

"When they get her and they win this, you will see you've been worrying for nothing," Billy patted me one more time before turning his attention back to the game.

I tried my best to pay attention to it, but I never understood sports, so all the commentary got lost on me.

A couple hours later, Jacob came to the house, fuming. I stood up quickly and went over to him, "Jake, what's wrong?"

"That freaking _bloodsucker_ of yours?"

I raised my eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

Jacob huffed and dragged me outside. We went to the field just behind his house, probably keeping distance between him and the buildings in case he loses it.

"That bloodsucker Edward was supposed to keeping an eye on you while you're in Forks, but guess who we caught a scent of and where?" My heart stopped for a moment. Jacob looked at my reaction and his eyes went wide. "Shit, I didn't tell you that he was back."

That didn't seem important to me right now, "I already knew. Wait, she was in _Forks_?"

"Close enough, luckily Quil and Leah were patrolling near the town and saw her and called us all. We chased her until she went into the water. Lost her there. But Goddammit! You were in Forks then, she could have gotten to you, and I saw no sign of _Edward_ anywhere nearby." His hands were shaking, but he breathed deeply to try and control himself. I reached out and grabbed his arms, trying to calm him down.

If he phased right now, I would have a scar like Emily's.

"He's one person–" Jacob snorted at that word, "–he can't be everywhere at once. And I thought you guys couldn't patrol around Forks with the Cullen's."

Jacob shrugged, "We've kind of been breaking that. They haven't said anything, so we've been pushing to see what we can get away with. Lucky we have been, too, or you might not be here. Useless bloodsucker," he muttered the last part.

"I'm sure he's doing what he can," I defended.

Jacob shook his head, "You seriously think he is? That's he 'doing his best?' Well his 'best' doesn't appear to be good enough."

I didn't know what to say to Jacob about that. I hadn't seen Edward since he told me he was going to help protect me against Victoria. I was confident he wasn't lying about that, but I hadn't physically seen him.

"I need to go talk to him about this…" Jacob groaned.

I crossed my arms, "Hell, no."

"Excuse me?"

"No, you are not. You're too angry at him right now to have a proper conversation on what happened, and I don't want you two to rip each other to pieces in an argument."

Jacob ran a hand through his hair, "You seriously think I would start an argument?"

"With how mad and upset you are now, yes, I do."

"I'm not upset." I gestured to his shaking hands, contradicting his statement. He shoved them both in his jean-short's pockets. "Well, someone does have to talk to him about it."

I bit my lip, scared about Jacob's reaction to what I was just about to suggest, "If you feel so strongly about going to see him, then you'll have to take me with you." Jacob looked like he was about to protest. "I might be able to keep things civil between you two. It's either that or I'm talking to Sam about stopping you from seeing him."

Jacob's face pulled into frustration, "Fine." We went into my truck, seeing as how is hands were still shaking so much, driving would have been next to impossible. "So when did you find out he was back?"

I kept my eyes on the road as I answered, "Since… September. _End_ of September. He's here because of Victoria, that's what he told me."

"Is that all you guys talked about?" Jacob pushed. I didn't want to have this conversation with him, especially now.

"Nothing else important. And if you're trying to see whether I'm back together with him, I'm not." I looked towards him, but his face didn't look convinced, Jacob just snorted and looked out his side window. He was in quite an attitude today.

I pulled over to the dip in the road that I used to park my truck in when I would head over to his house, "Amazing how you remember where he lives so easily."

"Shut up, Jacob. Let's just go," I got out of the truck and we started the 5-minute walk to Edward's cabin. We didn't say much, mostly it was just Jacob warning me on trip hazards.

When we got there, Edward was outside waiting. He could probably hear us as we walked. Edward called out, "Thought I smelt something bad."

Jacob's eyes narrowed, "Sorry, I guess I didn't put enough vampire-luring cologne on." I smacked Jacob with the back of my hand and it stung a bit.

Edward's eyes went to mine and he smiled a bit before turning to Jacob. "What's going on?" Then Edward's eyes widened, probably reading Jacob's thoughts about Victoria's proximity earlier. Edward's eyes turned to me and he said, "Are you okay, Bella?"

I nodded, "I guess she hadn't actually made it into town yet. I'm fine."

Jacob crossed his arms, we were now only a short distance away from Edward. I could smell him and sense his cold skin, it was like a drug, but I resisted.

"So, how is your 'patrolling' going? Obviously, you're letting things slip," Jacob accused. Edward's eyes narrowed and he took a step towards Jacob, not saying anything. "What? Cat got your tongue?"

I reached out and grabbed Jacob's arm. Edward noticed. "Jacob, stop. It's not his fault."

Jacob's eyes never left Edward. "You are lucky we have been testing the limits of the boundaries we can protect on. If we hadn't, Victoria would have gotten to Bella today!"

Edward's eyes closed and he took a step back.

"You don't like that, do you? Knowing her death would have been all your fault. First you left, leaving her vulnerable to Victoria, then you come back to try and protect her and you can't even do that. Instead, it's the werewolves doing it. That must make you feel _so_ good," Jacob was shaking again. This wasn't good.

I went and stood between them, holding my hands out to Jacob in an effort to protect Edward if Jacob decided to shift. I don't know why I did it. I wouldn't be much of a barrier, but my feet instinctively moved to protect him. Edward quickly grabbed one of my wrists and pulled me closer to him, "Bella, he's not in control right now."

"You think I will _hurt her?!_ " Jacob practically screamed.

Edward starting getting into a more protective stance around me, which only pissed Jacob off more.

"Stop this!" I screamed as high as I could. Both of them jolted and turned to stare at me. "Stop fighting, we got more important things now then you two going at it with each other."

Jacob closed his eyes and breathed to calm down, "You're still neutral."

I nodded, "Yes I am. That's why I told you I needed to be here if you wanted to talk to him. This isn't talking, Jacob."

Jake opened his eyes, "I'm sorry, _leech_."

Edward crossed his arms, "No hard feelings, _dog_."

I shook my head. _That's the best I'm going to get out of these two…_

"Jacob?" I encouraged, hoping for him to say what he needed to say.

Jacob then went on to telling Edward what had happened. Victoria was coming to the east from the north end, Quil and Leah were on patrol and caught her scent before finding her not long after. They followed her and tried to corner her, then Paul and Colin showed up giving a better defense. They pushed her further into their own territory and that was when Jacob, Sam, Seth, Jared, and Embry all caught up after hearing Quil's howl.

"But by the time we almost had her cornered she was near the cliffs and jumped into the water. We can't follow her when she does that."

Edward shook his head, "I can keep as best of a track around Forks as I can, but things will still slip by me. Someone needs to be around Bella all the time now that she is back."

"Are you offering?" Jacob said, almost as if the idea repulsed him completely. "What? Want more time to mess Bella up further?"

"Jake," I warned then sighed. My arms crossed over my chest, "This is getting to be too much."

Edward turned to look at me, and I saw his hand twitch as if to reach out for me, but thought better of it. That made me feel good, knowing he wasn't shying away from touching me.

Jacob's eyes lifted and he turned around quickly, "What is it?" I asked, now scared. Edward was tense for a moment before relaxing. Nothing to fear, apparently, but Jacob thought otherwise.

"It's all coming down, isn't it?" Edward said to no one in particular.

Not too long later, six people emerged from the forest. The Cullen's. I looked towards them, then at Edward. He didn't seem shocked, so obviously he has talked to them. I was glad.

Carlisle stepped forward, everyone else not too far behind. "What is going on here?"

Edward crossed his arms and looked at Jacob, then down.

Jacob scuffed, "Great. More 'friendly' vampires. The stench is overwhelming…"

I had basically given up on getting Jake to behave himself. "Jacob let's go," I pleaded. A confrontation between Edward and Jacob, I'm sure I can handle, but 7 vampires against 1 werewolf… that might be beyond my persuasive powers. I went over to Jacob and started tugging on his arm. "Please, Jake. Let's just go."

Without taking his eyes off of the Cullen's he nodded, then turned towards Edward. "We're not done here."

I pulled Jacob away as quick as I could and we went back to my truck. Jacob opened and slammed the passenger door so forcefully I swore he might have damaged something.

We sat in the truck for a while, I was still a bit riled up from what had happened. I didn't want Jacob to stay too long around so many vampires, even though I did want to be there to see what they were doing. It might have been all innocent, Edward meeting the rest of Carlisle's family, or it might be something more, given how agitated they looked.

Of course, they could have just looked that way because Jacob was there. The ride back to his place was silent, but once I parked and we got out, he finally spoke.

"I hate him. I _hate_ him."

I crossed my arms and looked down. I wish I could comfort Jacob by agreeing.

"And I hate that he's back. That he just left and returned like he owned the damn place. Like he owns _you_. It makes me sick."

I shook my head, "He doesn't own me, Jake. We're not together, even."

"The way he pulled you away from me when he thought I was going to lose it… I would _never_ hurt you. If I was going to lose control I would have backed off myself," Jacob turned and started pacing. I leaned back against the truck and waited for him to say something more. "But he hasn't been there for you, I have. I can protect you better than him. That was proven earlier."

He came over to me and practically pinned me against my truck, the heat of his body was almost searing at how close he was.

"I'm better for you," I whispered. I didn't say anything as he smashed his lips against mine; in fact, my whole body froze. I didn't know what to do or say. Should I kiss him back? Should I push him away?

Those two things I was fighting on while his lips moved more and more eagerly against mine. I kept my arms at my side, balling my fists up. I didn't know what my hands wanted to do, whether they wanted to go into his hair and pull his lips closer to mine, or punch him in the face.

With his hands still on the sides of my face, he pulled away, looking me in the eyes, checking for a response. Instead, they started to water and I shook my head. "I'm… I'm sorry, Jake, I got to go." I turned and opened my truck, going inside. I put it into reverse and left Jacob standing there, not bothering to see what he looked like as I ran away from him.

My eyes were tearing up, and the lack of vision, I probably shouldn't be driving, but I couldn't stay there. There were too many mixed emotions running through me.

Whether to love him, or to leave him.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

 **EDWARD POV**

"Are we not going to talk about that _human_ girl that was just here?!" Rosalie screamed. Everyone was now inside my tiny cabin, and I say tiny because with six more vampires inside, one of them being rather large, it felt like this was no bigger than a storage shed.

I looked towards Carlisle, but he kept his mouth shut in amusement. Apparently, Rosalie threw outbursts like this all the time.

"She's nothing to worry about," Carlisle tried to reassure, but Rosalie was having none of it.

"Oh, so you knew about her, too? First this…" she waved her hand at me, trying to figure out whether to call me this man, guy, vampire, but instead settled on my name, "Edward and now a human who knows about us. Either that or that _dog_ just spilled the secret."

I looked at Rosalie, "No, she knows."

She glared at me and I raised an eyebrow. _What is with this guy? Okay, he's not the worst looking guy out there, so probably gets by rather well on things. But this is someone who we just spotted friending up a werewolf._

I raised my hand, stopping her mental rant, "Actually, I was not 'friending' him, thank you very much for that."

She looked taken aback.

"Dude," the big guy, Emmett, said to me, "this place is depressing. You got jack shit in here!"

I narrowed my eyes. This was an interesting group of vampires Carlisle brought together. Esme came up to me, "Don't mind them. Rosalie and Emmett's main thing is voicing their opinions."

I nodded, "I can tell." Emmett thoughts were never too much before what he would say out loud, it seemed. "Okay, um, what's going on?"

This felt like more than just a social visit by Carlisle's worried expression. I turned to him.

"We got a… visitor, earlier," _This is going to be difficult to explain._

"How's it going to be difficult?" I answered his thoughts.

Rosalie stepped forward, "What are you answering to?" Her arms were crossed and she looked rather suspicious.

Carlisle sighed and looked at me in apology, "My thoughts. Edward's a mind reader."

Suddenly, I heard a squeal from behind me and Alice came over grabbing my arm. "Oh my god, that's so cool! I never knew you were a mind reader, they never mentioned that to us."

"Um… okay?" I wasn't sure what to make of this girl. "Um, getting back on track. What visitor?"

An image of Victoria popped in everyone's head and I froze. Then Carlisle played their conversation in his mind, about her request and her attitude. Everything she told them, well, it wasn't a lie, but definitely held out many key details. I snorted when I saw her trying to look all innocent.

"Victoria is the last person you should pity."

Esme looked over at me sadly, "Well, you did kill her mate, Edward. Or is that not true?"

I swallowed, now a little nervous, "It is, but there is more to the story then she told you. A lot more."

"Then tell us," Esme laid a gentle hand on my arm and led me to the couch where Carlisle was sitting. Alice took to sitting next to me on the arm rest, apparently feeling quite a connection to me, while everyone stayed standing, waiting for me to explain.

"I guess it'll also explain Bella," I looked at Rosalie, and she raised an eyebrow at me. "Bella and I were hanging out in a meadow a bit to the north west of here. Victoria and her mate, James, as well as a friend of theirs, Laurent, came up to us. Smelling Bella. I don't know if you guys smell it, too, but she has a… different smell to her."

Jasper nodded, "I noticed."

"Anyway, when they showed up things were pleasant at first, until a gust of wind hit and Bella's scent really got to James. At first he was going to go after her, but I put up a defensive position, told him she was not a meal. Laurent did his best to try and calm James down, saying there were others to hunt in the area. Afterwards they left, but I read his mind. As soon as he got Bella's scent he was planning a full sadistic hunting trip on her.

"He was the type of vampire who liked to… _play_ with his food." Everyone looked shocked at my story, but kept their ears open to hear more. "Bella and I got back into my car and drove north as fast as we could. I knew chances were James was going to go to her place so I thought of taking her away until I could figure out what to do. But he's fast and he caught up to us. We had a fight, and I killed him to protect Bella. That was all. I didn't know Victoria was there, watching. I was too engrossed with James to realize.

"I guess, because I killed James, Victoria wants to kill Bella as payment." I finished off.

Jasper was the first to speak, "And who is this Bella, exactly? To you, that you would defend her so hard?" I saw in his mind that he already knew the answer, just wanted me to say it out loud for everyone else's benefit. He felt the emotions between Bella and I earlier.

"I love her." That's all I needed to say, they understood the meaning behind those three words.

Emmett snorted and laughed, "You fell in love with a _human?_ " He was practically on the floor laughing and Rosalie rolled her eyes in embarrassment.

"If she wants Bella dead, then why did she ask us to kill you?" I shrugged.

"She might want me dead, too. Chances are she's choosing this way of revenge cause it's easier. I don't think she factored in the wolves to be protecting her, though."

I felt Alice stiffen beside me, and a realization came to her. _That's why she's doing it,_ "The army. They're to get around the wolves. That's why she's creating them!"

I looked at her confused, "What army? The army in Seattle?"

Carlisle spoke, "You know about that?"

I nodded, ready to give another confession out, "I heard you on the phone, when I was in Denali. You were talking to Tanya."

Carlisle laughed a bit at that, "Wow, this is a small world after all. Is that where you were before you came back?" I nodded.

Esme put her arm around Carlisle's and Jasper spoke up, "So, what we got is a vengeful vampire bent on killing a human girl because her vampire boyfriend killed her mate. Protecting her are a pack of werewolves and the vampire boyfriend."

"Ex, actually, but year, that's the gist of it," I said leaning back down. "Look, you guys don't have to get involved. This is between Victoria, Bella and me, and sadly the werewolves since they decided to integrate themselves in."

Rosalie snorted, "Who said we were going to get involved?"

"I think we should," Alice spoke up. Though many were on the fence about it, Alice was for sure all certain about helping. She put her hands up, "Hear me out, okay? We live here, and this is going to come down on all of us, whether we're involved or not. Victoria created that army in Seattle to bring them to Forks to deal with the werewolves."

"Exactly!" Rosalie yelled. "The werewolves, not us!"

"And you think some of them won't stray towards us? Also, if we help, we can limit how far they spread and maybe lower the number of casualties. More of us can contain them, and honestly, do we trust the wolves to do a good job? How long have they been after just _one_ vampire?"

That got Emmett on game and Jasper as well. Both of them seemed to be itching for a fight. Rosalie was still against it, but with the rest of her family wanting to fight, she felt as though she had to as well.

Guilt started eating at me. These guys were just trying to settle here as a place to be a family, now they're in the middle of a war because of me. I stood up and walked outside, staying just outside the door.

Emmett and Jasper were comparing different moves to try when they fight, maybe getting a little too excited about the idea.

Esme came out to see me, I turned away, not wanting her to see my guilt-ridden expression. "I'm sorry, Esme."

"What do you have to be sorry for?" She asked, truly curious.

"I come back into your life and I'm putting your family at risk. Is that not something to be sorry for?" I asked.

She smiled and put her arm around me, "No, it's not. Not when we volunteer. You don't have to do this alone."

I snorted, "I'm not alone. I got the _wolves_ …" I could not have sounded less thrilled by the idea.

Esme laughed and rubbed my arm. "Yeah, we are now definitely helping. Leaving you to deal with them alone." She shivered. "Can I just ask, I know we made a treaty with them so we can live here, but why aren't they trying to kill you?"

"Sam offered the same deal to me when he saw my eyes. Also knowing I had been in the area for 2 years and nothing had happened." I bowed my head, "He probably regrets that now, though."

"Well, I'm not sure about Sam, but that werewolf that was here earlier did look like he wanted to tear you apart."

I shrugged. _It's so good to see you again,_ Esme thought, hugging me.

I returned the hug, "I missed you, too." She pulled away and smacked my arm, "What was that for?"

"That," she poked me in the chest, "was for being away so long, and not visiting. If you didn't want to live with us again, fine, but you should have even at least picked up a phone and called us."

I bowed my head again, "I'm sorry, Esme. Really, I am. I should have realized how much I was worrying you guys."

She pulled me in for another hug, "Obviously we worried about you." _But seeing you again, it makes me feel whole… oops, sorry._

I laughed, "No problem, I've heard worse."

Esme bit her lip and stared at me, and her mind started going to Bella. _Oh God,_ I thought to myself.

"What does this… Bella, think of your mind reading?" She pushed.

I ran my hand through my hair, "Oh, that, well, um… you see…"

Carlisle called us all in, and I sighed in relief, _Conversation is not over_ , and she went inside, me following right after.

Everyone crowded again in my little living space, Emmett knocked over one of my shelves of music, I sighed. "Yeah, destroy the place. It's not like I've been collecting all that music since the 1930s."

 _Shit…_ "Oops, sorry, man." He picked everything up and threw it back on the shelf. I'm going to have to reorganize that later.

Carlisle clapped his hands together and the room went silent to listen, "I think the first thing we need to do is make contact with the wolves and try to coordinate a plan of sorts. I don't know if they'll be up for it, but we can at least try. Edward, do you happen to have any number of theirs?"

I shook my head, "Bella, probably does, though. I'm going to head over to update her on what's going on, I'll get a number while I'm there."

Carlisle nodded, "Also, we're going to need training. Jasper?"

Jasper stepped forward, I saw all his battle scars and wondered how he got them. The last time I had seen scars like that were when I was in the south. Older vampires who were around and survived the southern wars carried ones very similar to those. I wonder if that's where he got his.

 _He's the most experienced with newborns,_ Carlisle thought. "We're going to need all the training we can get."

Jasper nodded, "You got it," and he put his arm around Alice, her leaning into their embrace.

"There's probably not much else to do until we talk with the wolves. This is going to be tricky, but I know this family, we work strong together. We can do this."

Everyone else seemed to have the same confidence.

I just wish I had.


End file.
